cousins

Most of my memories of growing up include cousins. I have a lot. They were a big part of my childhood. I am so happy that my kids have cousins that are a big part of their childhood as well. Friends are great, but family is...well, family.

This spring break my sister and her family have been visiting. Our days have been pretty ordinary, but for my kids ordinary days + cousins = an extraordinary good time.

Even the simplest things are so much more fun with the cousins.

Between the two of us, my sister and I have eight kids. Six boys...they range in age from 3 to 9 and two girls ages 3 and 11. My 11 year old being so much more grown up and way too mature to play with "kids" usually keeps herself out of the "fun".  But having the other seven together is like a party every day.

The kids have had a great time enjoying the new "spring" weather running around outside. My sister and I for the first time in years have enjoyed not having any toddlers around so we can sit, relax a little and visit.

I actually can not stress enough how much I have LOVED not having a toddler that I have to have my eyes focused on at ALL times. I have loved not having to pull rocks and other such lovelies out of mouths and no changing of diapers! The kids have enjoyed a bit of freedom and so have I.

From mud pies to explorations to tag and even pretending the old hose is a horse the kids have had a great time using their imaginations and playing outside. I have loved visiting with my sister in a way that we haven't been able to in a long time and the 11 year old...well, having an quiet empty house all to herself during the day?...priceless. (The poor girl shares a room with three brothers!) This is one of the best spring breaks ever!

The Joys of Motherhood

I love being a mother but there is one aspect of it that I often feel that I really could do without...the guilt.

I don't know if it is just me or if is something that just comes with the job description, but I have found that since I became a mother I have enjoyed a daily helping of guilt.

I feel guilty about not spending enough time with my kids, not doing enough with them, not spending an equal amount of time with each child (am I the only one who has ever heard...you like him/her better?), and then there is the guilt that comes when I feel I am spending too much time with them and not enough with my hubby, family, laundry...insert anything that needs to get done and isn't getting done. And then of course comes the guilt that I am not doing enough to improve myself and the years are going by...

I feel guilty about so many things that are beyond my control. Things like my daughter has no sister and is often alone and/or bored...

I really did try to give her a sister...did I mention that I have three boys...that are the best of friends...which doesn't really help her situation. So...guilt if I don't spend extra time with her and guilt if I do...guilt and worry... oh the joys of motherhood!

We are hitting the pre-teen years around our house...I am a little nervous...about added guilt and worry...and grumpiness...

But...the great thing about being a mother is that it forces me to be patient and creative; to try new things and continually grow and learn.

Growing up I was the loner in my family...and I was often alone and bored...and grumpy. I understand how my daughter feels and I can tell her in all honesty that things do change...as a mother of four I am NEVER alone and NEVER bored and never grumpy (for very long) as one of my four is always doing something to make me smile or laugh.

I am so grateful that in spite of the above mentioned aloneness/boredom/grumpiness...my kids do love each other (deep down somewhere) and they do have moments of togetherness/happiness/fun which really makes it all worth it.

It has been said that there needs to be opposition in all things. I have come to believe that in spite of and posssibly because of all the guilt and worry and work...

there is no joy like the joy experienced by a mother.

the joys of homeschool

I started homeschooling my kids this year (for many, many reasons) Technically, we are schooling at home. In BC they have a program called distributed learning which gives parents the option of having their kids do school at home. They still follow the curriculum (mostly - I can pick and choose how they follow it) and they have a teacher they see once a week. They will still graduate with a diploma but they get to learn at home and I oversee the majority of their education.

I am really, really enjoying it.

One of my favourite things about homeschooling is our mornings. I love that we don't have to rush...I love that I don't have to pack lunches...and I love that I am able to finally take some time for myself.

We still wake up early but every morning the kids have some play time and I take an extra hour in my room to write in my journal and read a chapter (or two) of a book.

(to see what I was reading in January click here).

EVERY day...I promise you it sure beats waking up at the crack of dawn, jumping out of bed and rushing.

Every moment of my life felt like I was rushing somewhere...and nagging the kids to hurry up; because we were almost always late for something.

Now...ah...it is relaxed.

The kids have time to relax and play in the morning; we eat breakfast together as a family (minus of course my amazing hubby...if we could only figure out some way for him to stay home...)

and then, when we are all relaxed and feeling good about our day we begin school.

SO much better than the daily rush.

I love spending time with each child individually and watching them learn.

I love that they can move quickly on subjects that are easy for them and that they can take more time on those that they need extra help with. I love that they can get one on one help when they need it.

and I really love that in the middle of the day we can take some time to make cookies, or muffins, or bread or whatever we feel like making and that whoever wants to help out can help.

I love that my kids can play board games in the middle of the day if they choose to and that those board games give my 11 year old daughter something she will happily do with her brothers.

I love watching my kids as they grasp concepts and learn new things.

I feel like I have found the best of both worlds. I have my kids at home with me, I avoid all the things I don't like about the public school system and I still get access to what I feel are the benefits.

I love that I can make choices and live my life the way I want to live it.

bark thoughts

I have been having a little too much fun with my camera lately and I have been photographing the strangest things. Yesterday while my kids were toboganning I found myself playing with the macro setting on my camera again.

taking extreme close-ups of tree bark.

I really find that as I look at things through the lens of my camera I notice more details.

As I pay attention to the details I realize how complex everything is...

and how beautiful.

looking at some of these close-ups I am reminded of arial landscapes.

and I wonder what is there that we don't see?

I think of Horton Hears a Who by Dr. Seuss.

(I spend my days with young children, so I often think of Dr. Seuss).

 Looking at a tree my eyes make an immediate judgement. I know what it is...it is just a tree.

But, looking through my camera...I notice so much more. Moss, lichens, spiderwebs, tiny bugs, holes, cracks...so many little things that make up each tree. Each one is so different.

and I think...maybe people are a little like these trees. Maybe instead of just seeing people as I always see them, I should realize that there are many small details that I am not aware of. And maybe those of us who aren't standing as tall and majestic as we could be have a lot of small details affecting us that aren't seen unless looked at closely. I mean, how many of us have reached our full potential? I tend to be fairly critical (of myself mostly...but it does tend to migrate towards others as well)...this holiday season I think I will try to remember my camera and my macro setting.