20 November 2014

Working Hard and Playing Hooky...

I've decided to take more time to work on my photography. Even though I spent a a year in photography school I didn't have as much time to practice as I would've liked. And then post move I've been so busy that I haven't taken much time to work on my photography.

I don't know why, but I tend to feel guilty taking time to do things I enjoy. I always feel like I should be finding extra work to do. I could always be doing laundry (why does laundry never end?), organizing something or washing the floors. I know practicing photography is useful (especially after spending the money to learn how to do it), but I like it so much that I feel like I should be doing something else. My husband's at work, the kids are at school. I shouldn't be enjoying myself...

My husband has been trying to convince me not to feel guilty and to take advantage of the time I have. This morning I decided to go out and take pictures of the beautiful mountains that surround us. When I stepped outside I realized that the sky was very overcast but I did see a bit of sun poking through the clouds so I went out anyway.

I really love the mountains. I missed them so much when we lived in the east. I was able to get a few shots that I was satisfied with considering the weather. I was planning on going alone. But, I brought along some company and enjoyed my time so much.

My seven and a half year old has been having a hard time going to school over the past few weeks. Every morning he dawdles and begs to stay home. Every morning I manage to get him off to school. The past two days he has been trying really hard to get ready and be on time without me having to drag/threaten/beg him. This morning he looked so cute. He came and told me he was ready. I told him how proud I was of him and that he was doing so much better. He just looked up at me and said (as he has every day this week). Mom, I only want some just me and you time. That's what he has been calling our one on one time for the past few years. He loves just me and you time. But, as one of four he doesn't get enough of it.

So today, I told him that I wanted just me and you time too. Watching his face light up and feeling his little arms around me and hearing his thank-you mommy's made me feel so happy. I know he shouldn't really miss school. But he's seven and a half already. Time passes so quickly. My kids are getting so big so fast. We had such a fun day together just hanging out. He even helped me with my "work"...

Normally, he doesn't like modelling for me. He made an exception for just me and you day. I love this toothless smile and I am so happy that I took the time to spend a day with him. Years from now I don't think the occasional day of missed school will be worth remembering... but a day of just me and you will hopefully never be forgotten.

17 November 2014

Confucius and my lack of perfection...

"It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop" - Confucius

When I started writing this blog I wanted to keep a journal of my life moving forward. I wanted a way to mark our family's progress so that when I looked back I would be able to see how far we had travelled - that each small step we took brought us to a more perfect future. I was hoping that with each decision we made we would be able to see a direct upward moving line.

That obviously hasn't happened. My life - as I suppose all life - has moved forward and backward, right and left (or east and west in my case) and has curved in all sorts of directions. I sometimes feel like I'm not moving forward at all and I get frustrated.

But, when I look back  I am reminded of how much we have learned over the past five years. Life has been very difficult at times and even though we've been working very hard we've not seen the results that I thought we would. We are not yet where I thought we would be. What I do see is growth and lots of room for improvement and that is a good thing.

This quote reminds me that even when progress is not speeding along as quickly as I would like it to - it is still there and that is what matters. It is important to relax a little and enjoy the journey - not to expect perfection so quickly because it may not arrive at all in my lifetime. I have to remind myself that a lack of perfection is no reason to give up but is an excellent reason to keep moving forward one tiny step at a time.