Happy Valentine's Day!
Since today is dedicated to love, I thought I would share the story of how I found mine...
I met my husband when my family and I moved to a new town. We were both fifteen.
We attended the same high school and the same church but we never really became friends and I don't really remember much about him until a few years after graduation. (Although for some reason he remembers a little blue skirt I used to like to wear in the tenth grade).
When we were 21 we met up again and since we had some common friends we ended up often being in the same place. We quickly became good friends. Over the next three years as other friends came and went (many going away to school, moving for work or getting married) my husband remained a constant and best friend. Everyday after work he would come over or we would go to a movie or get something to eat or go meet up with other friends...
It was great! I had a few experiences previously that had made me decide to "swear off men for good".
The entire time we were friends, I did not date...at all...and it was great. Anywhere I went that required a date...I took my best friend. I always had a man around for a male point of view, someone to hang out with, talk to...why did I need a boyfriend? If I wanted to be alone...no problem just send him home with no questions. I thought I had found the best of both worlds AND because we had known each other for so long I KNEW that there would never be any of the problems of ONE of us "having feelings" for the other (I hate when that happens) because if either of us had been interested in the other it would have come up before. He was not my type at all and I knew that I wasn't his type.
It really was almost perfect...
Maybe it was because I never dated anyone else, maybe it was because we were always together or maybe it was because we were always having so much fun together... but for some reason people always assumed we were a couple.
After awhile it came up A LOT. Our other friends stopped believing that we were only friends (which I swear we were). The idea of us being a couple seemed to occur to everybody...except us.
We really liked where we were. He was the best friend I had ever had. We had so many laughs together and we could talk for hours. My hubby still dated occasionally and he loved that I could give him female insight into what was going on...I could usually translate female speak into a language he could more readily understand. I enjoyed having companionship without any drama or stress or having to wonder if this relationship was good for me and I never had to wonder why he wasn't calling because he ALWAYS did. Like I said it was very nearly perfect.
But, eventually the questions became an almost daily occurance..."are you two together?", "why aren't you together?", "but you laugh at all his jokes?", "how long have you two been dating?". "He's not my type" came out of my mouth almost every day...
And then, one Christmas he went to his sister's. I missed him when he was gone even though he called me almost every day. He came home early on boxing day to attend a dance. I saw him briefly but a mutual friend of ours cornered him and the two of them sat in the corner talking intently for a long time. I found myself wondering what they were talking about...I wasn't jealous, just curious...but I guess I had looked over at them a few too many times as another mutual friend came over to tell me not to be jealous ( I honestly wasn't). The two of us were caught up in seperate conversations (that unbeknownst to us were just a little bit planned out). My conversation went something like this:
Friend: "You are holding up really well. You have been in love with him for so long...he is SO stupid not to notice".
Me: "WHAT? I am so NOT in love with him. He is not my type. We are just really good friends."
Friend: "Yah, whatever. As I said, he is so stupid to not notice, you laugh at all his jokes. It is really obvious to everybody else".
Me: "like I said, He is not my type, I am not his type. We are just really good friends".
Friend: "yes, right. He better hurry up and do something. A girl like you isn't going to sit around waiting forever you know. You'll be snatched up by somebody else soon and then he will be sorry".
Me: " uhm..." (Me thinking: "are you trying to hit on me?") "I'll talk to you later" and I get up and walk away...
A little while later the girl that my (future) hubby had so intently been talking to approached me and immediately grilled me with.
Friend: "okay...what is your story...WHY are you two not together?"
Me: "he's not my type; we are just good friends" (do you notice I did not have a very original or specific answer...I was beginning to notice this myself)
Friend: "What is it about him exactly that makes him not your type, he's nice, funny, cute..."
silence. I could not think of anything specifically.
Me: thinking, thinking, thinking....racking my brain for something other than he doesn't have a great job because I really didn't care about that or he wasn't very cool in high school because I really didn't care about that either...still thinking...
Me: "well we are best friends and I wouldn't want to ruin that" was the best I could come up with.
Friend: "Well coming where I am coming from his being your best friend is a positive not a negative. You should really think about it seriously." and she walks away.
My (future) hubby came over after the dance and filled me in on his earlier conversation which went something like this:
Friend: "why are you two not together"
Hubby: "she's not my type"
Friend: "what about her is not your type? She is smart, fun, pretty and she laughs at all your jokes"
Hubby: "uhm...." (not sure what he was thinking at this point).
Hubby: "What if we got together and things didn't work out? We are such good friends I wouldn't want to ruin that".
Friend: "Being friends sounds like a good reason to get together"
Friend: "If you are worried about the chemistry, just kiss her and find out. If you are such good friends you should be able to get over a kiss, right?"
Hubby: ":)" (I think he secretly enjoyed this idea).
Back at my place...as he is relating this story...
me: "WHAT? there is no way that I am ever going to kiss you so forget it".
Hubby: "oh...yah... that's what I was thinking...no way I would ever kiss you..........."
And then nothing happened. Back to normal. Except for the nagging voice in the back of my head that was constantly saying..."what is it about him that you don't like" and the constant irritation that I could not think of anything. ANYTHING. I didn't want to like him. I REALLY didn't.
I was working. I (at this point) liked my job. I had plans. Getting married did not fit in to them. And deep down I knew that if we ever got together we would get married...
Things were a little awkward but not too bad. We still hung out everyday. He still went on dates with other girls. Everyday I had that nagging voice in my head. It would not go away. "Why not him?" "What don't you like about him? He is nice to you, he is your best friend, you would rather spend time with and talk to him more than anybody else, he makes you laugh...what is there not to like?" Everyday I would try very hard to suppress those thoughts.
One night we were with a group of friends in a hot tub. Friends left one by one. Soon it was just the two of us. talking. Out of the blue my (future) hubby asked me if I loved him. "yes" came out of my mouth. Followed by..."of course I do, you are my best friend". We talked about the nagging voices in both of our heads. We talked about what we were going to do about it. We decided...nothing. Our relationship was (almost) perfect...we would leave everything as it was. Getting out of the hot tub...he kissed me.
We were engaged within two months. Officially we never went on a single date but we had known each other for nine years. We were married eight and a half months after our first kiss which was just over fourteen years ago. Every single one of those days he has been my best friend. He is still the one I would rather spend time with or talk to more than anyone else. He can make me smile when no one else can, he can calm me when I am stressed and through all of the struggles, challenges and hardships I have faced over those fourteen years I have been so thankful that he has been with me.
I never was a huge romantic; but, I know that he was meant for me. Growing up I never wanted to get married but now I know that is the best thing I ever did.