Blog discoveries and questions

 This year I decided that I want to spend more time on my blog.

I want to write more.

I want to learn how to use my camera...and maybe if I am really lucky get a DSLR and learn how to use that...

I am really happy this year. As I look at my New Year's resolutions even though it is only February I already see progress; which is a first for me.

I have been writing more on my blog and have found that I really love it.

I like having time that is carved out for me and something I actually want to do not just have to. It is something of my own and living in a tiny house with six people there is little room for things of one's own.

I do realize how strange it is to think of my blog as my own considering that I put it out there for anyone to see but, I think the public forum gives me incentive to write. Which is good for me. My blog also encourages me to do something and to think about my time and how it is spent.

I have found that I really love to write. I have always kept journals and used to write (mostly bad) poetry when I was a teen-ager. I have always been an avid reader (see here and here ) but haven't done too much writing other than what I previously mentioned and loads of academic essays. I took a creative writing course last year and LOVED it. It is so different than writing academic essays. Writing is definately something I would like to continue to do. This semester (that I am starting in June) I am taking two more creative writing classes. They will be challenging; I am a little punctuationally challenged and my grammar really should be exceptional but it isn't. Even though I know it will be hard I am really looking forward to them and to learning and growing and using my creativity.

I also surprised myself over the past few months by discovering that life is SO different and so much more beautiful when seen through the lens of a camera.



 I really love taking pictures...especially using my macro setting.

I am still so far from being even a mediocre photographer (which I notice as I look at some really amazing ones) but I am learning. I have discovered how to use different settings on my cheap little point and shoot. I actually WANT to get a DSLR and learn more about photography and taking pictures. Not long ago I didn't want one, they looked too difficult; even though I was almost always unhappy with the results the automatic setting was good enough for me.

I am excited to see the changes that I have made in my life.

I started my blog to chronicle my journey. So I could see where I needed improvement and where I was succeeding in my attempt to create a life that I wanted to live and as I tried to discover what I wanted to do with the gift of life and health that I had been given. I am hoping that as time progresses I will see improvement.

As I spend more time on my blog I find myself with questions especially regarding what I am allowed and not allowed to do.

~ Can I link to things I like? If I want to share something I have found that I really like (be it a website or a blog) can I link to it or do I need to write for permission first and then wait for a response?

~ If I want to share a favourite recipe that is not my own, can I? Or do I need to write the publisher and get permission first?

~ Are photos like book quotes? Can I include ones I like if I cite where they are from?

I think most of my questions relate to copyright laws...I'm just curious. I see so many different things all over the blog world, I am not sure what the proper conduct is.

If anyone out there knows where to direct me for answers I would appreciate it.

I noticed that I have reached the 1000 views mark on my blog this week-end. I am surprised and thankful for everyone who has shown an interest and taken time to view my little corner of the web. Thank you for participating in my journey!

failure and success

I have been thinking a lot this week about failure and my previous attitude towards it (see 25 Jan posting for some background).

This week I have finally realized that failure is necessary to experience success. I have intellectually known this for a long time but it is just sinking in.

Failure is the true path to success...without failing we can not succeed.

Simple.

Why it took so long for me to figure this out I will never know. So this year I am going to try and embrace failure because that is the only way I am going to improve and become better. And don't we all want to be better?

this is me enjoying one of my many failures...I am trying to conquer the bunnyhill!

I did make it down without falling and I did graduate from the kiddie run

to the bunny hill...so I am going to view this hill as part of my road to success instead of

evidence of my failure. Maybe next week I will learn how to turn...

stepping forward

This month I am trying something new.

My three oldest kids are taking skiing lessons and I have decided to join them.

Until now I have never learned to ski and I have lived near ski hills most of my life.

I have been trying to overcome a bad habit of mine.

As long as I can remember if I haven't been able to do something well I have not wanted to do it. Hence, I have never participated in sports (other than in school when I had to or else take an F in P.E. which was unacceptable to me). Until recently I never did anything artistic. In fact I didn't do much of anything.

I don't know how to swim.

I don't know how to ride a bike.

I don't know how to play a musical instrument.

I don't know how to ski.

I don't know how to sing.

I don't know how to skate.

When I was in grade one my class went ice skating. I was so excited. I couldn't wait to get on the ice and do a sit spin and of course I couldn't wait to wear one of those really cute little skating costumes with the little twirly skirt...which of course I did not get to wear and when I stepped onto the ice for the first time... I immediately fell. I was mortified. Particularly when my teacher brought me a little cage to hold onto so I could at least stand. That was the moment I realized how inadequate I was. That was when I realized that I could not do everything I thought I could. I never skated again.

Yes, this has been one of my greatest weaknesses. And I do realize how ridiculous it sounds. But, I have always had a strong desire to be perfect...to live a perfect life. For a long time I tried to avoid living the life I wanted because I knew that the reality would not live up to my expectations. Instead I ended up living a life that was pretty boring. I did do some things, but I was generally not satisfied with the outcomes and I was still too afraid to try anything that required skill. I learned how to cook out of necessity when I got married and I discovered that I was pretty good at it. So, I continued to practice and got annoyed with myself whenever things didn't turn out perfectly.

Around the time I turned thirty I decided that I needed to change. There were so many things that I would have liked to have done in my youth that I didn't do. I did not want to waste my life. So I started to do things. I took a few painting classes and discovered that I really enjoyed painting and was so happy when my paintings were recognizable. They actually looked like something...people actually hung them on their walls!!! I was a little embarrassed still as I could notice all the mistakes, but they were better than I thought they would be.

I went back to school. I no longer felt like a failure to still be in school when I was over thirty. ( I always thought I'd have a PhD by then). I am taking longer than the average student. But I love it.

I few years ago I finally realized that I didn't need perfection. I could be happy with progress. Improvement was something to be proud of. I didn't need to be top of the class (or somewhere just slightly above average which previously was okay with me as long as I hadn't put in any effort. Above average with no effort was just as okay as perfection with little effort).

I no longer wanted to be content with who I was. I wanted to be happy about the person I was becoming.

And so this week as I conquered the kiddie run up at the ski hill I was almost giddy with happiness...

Happy because I was finally learning to ski and that I had learned to snow plow and because on my first attempt I fell but I got up and tried again and by the end of the day I had figured out how to stay standing, moving and even turning and I was excited about my progress!

Externally as well as internally.

I am so happy that I have figured out that the way to true happiness and finding joy is to keep moving forward...

even if I am only taking baby steps.

graduation and bikes

Well, we had a big day yesterday. We packed up the crew and my hubby's mother and headed to Halifax for graduation day. My husband now is officially a Master of Fine Art - degree in hand and all.

Those of you with children will understand my slight apprehension at bringing four children to a graduation ceremony. Four kids - husband not sitting with us - long speeches - you get the idea. My children, like most aren't overly excited about the idea of sitting in chairs - quietly - for three hours. (Did I mention I have three boys under the age of seven?)

But, much to my delight - we survived without any stares, glares or major threats escaping from my mouth! I even had a woman come up to me afterwards telling me how wonderful my children are and how amazed she was at how good they sat and what a wonderful mother I must be...don't you love those moments! (However few and far between they may be).

I was so happy I was able to go. The one downside...

This is the quality of my photos from the evening...

This is the best photo I got of my husband...getting a handshake from I am not sure who from the university and a pat on the back from Iain Baxter& (yes that & is supposed to be there...I did say this was art school right? Apparently Baxter& is quite famous; he received an honourary degree...I apologize for my ignorance.)

I am not sure if I need a new battery or what, but I really tried every setting and this was the best I got...except for this one photo at the end of my super happy kids...

They did get cookies and cake so it wasn't a total waste of a Saturday for them.

We had a great week-end and we will have to live with memories and blurry photos.

Now - back to the books!