Autumn in Vancouver

For some reason I am having a really hard time adjusting to our new life in Vancouver.

I don't like the traffic both in vehicles and pedestrians or the extremely busy schedule we have had since our arrival.

I have been trying to find some peace, quiet and tranquility.

It has been very difficult. 

The one thing I have been enjoying is the beautiful fall colours and mild weather...

 

I have been struggling with the question...what do you do when you spend years working towards something and when you arrive it is not quite what you were expecting. I may be experiencing a little of the "be careful what you wish for" blessing/curse. 

For now, I am practicing patience, perseverance and tolerance.

I am trying to appreciate the beauty that is around me and I have been focusing on my studies. As I am reminded daily by signs all around campus, I am living in a "Place of Mind"...

I have experienced many changes to my lifestyle since I have been here both good and bad all of which take some getting used to...

I'm not sure what the next few years will bring, but I find myself repeatedly thinking about the saying: that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger...

I am hoping for the latter.

Spring Running

Something about Spring always makes me want to get out and do something...

Saturday we bought a new bike for my daughter who is getting ready for a spring youth triathlon training class next month. While at the sport shop we noticed a table of clearance shoes...

Yes, running shoes.

I have started running programs more times than I can count. When I am running I love it...but I don't like getting ready to run. I dread waking up to an alarm and pulling myself out of bed to go running. My programs usually last about six weeks or so...I usually get to the point where I can run close to 5km. I always see a huge improvement. I just start feeling really good about it and then something really "important" usually comes up and I quit. (Yes, I do realize there is a deeper psychological issue here...I just haven't figured out what it is yet). Everytime I start, I start from the beginning...run, walk, run, walk...I haven't run since last summer. My fall excuse was my shoes are getting too old to run in; so instead of buying new shoes...I stopped running. Again. I get frustrated thinking about how good I could be if I had been running all along instead of stopping and starting. I need some perserverence.

The shoes were a really good deal...I had to get them. I was planning on starting a running program again in April anyway. I have the running plan written up ready to go. I have been waiting for the snow to melt and the roadsides to dry up...for the conditions to be perfect.

They have been in my possession for three days and are still looking brand new.

They are out of the box and staring at me...

I have been trying to live the life I want to live and quit spending so much time planning and more time just doing. In many areas of my life I have been doing this and I am loving the difference it is making to my life. But, it is a long and difficult process. Habits are hard to change. My running habit is one I definately want to change.

So I have decided that I am going to scrap my April running "program" and just log off and go for a run.

Happy Spring!

Blog discoveries and questions

 This year I decided that I want to spend more time on my blog.

I want to write more.

I want to learn how to use my camera...and maybe if I am really lucky get a DSLR and learn how to use that...

I am really happy this year. As I look at my New Year's resolutions even though it is only February I already see progress; which is a first for me.

I have been writing more on my blog and have found that I really love it.

I like having time that is carved out for me and something I actually want to do not just have to. It is something of my own and living in a tiny house with six people there is little room for things of one's own.

I do realize how strange it is to think of my blog as my own considering that I put it out there for anyone to see but, I think the public forum gives me incentive to write. Which is good for me. My blog also encourages me to do something and to think about my time and how it is spent.

I have found that I really love to write. I have always kept journals and used to write (mostly bad) poetry when I was a teen-ager. I have always been an avid reader (see here and here ) but haven't done too much writing other than what I previously mentioned and loads of academic essays. I took a creative writing course last year and LOVED it. It is so different than writing academic essays. Writing is definately something I would like to continue to do. This semester (that I am starting in June) I am taking two more creative writing classes. They will be challenging; I am a little punctuationally challenged and my grammar really should be exceptional but it isn't. Even though I know it will be hard I am really looking forward to them and to learning and growing and using my creativity.

I also surprised myself over the past few months by discovering that life is SO different and so much more beautiful when seen through the lens of a camera.



 I really love taking pictures...especially using my macro setting.

I am still so far from being even a mediocre photographer (which I notice as I look at some really amazing ones) but I am learning. I have discovered how to use different settings on my cheap little point and shoot. I actually WANT to get a DSLR and learn more about photography and taking pictures. Not long ago I didn't want one, they looked too difficult; even though I was almost always unhappy with the results the automatic setting was good enough for me.

I am excited to see the changes that I have made in my life.

I started my blog to chronicle my journey. So I could see where I needed improvement and where I was succeeding in my attempt to create a life that I wanted to live and as I tried to discover what I wanted to do with the gift of life and health that I had been given. I am hoping that as time progresses I will see improvement.

As I spend more time on my blog I find myself with questions especially regarding what I am allowed and not allowed to do.

~ Can I link to things I like? If I want to share something I have found that I really like (be it a website or a blog) can I link to it or do I need to write for permission first and then wait for a response?

~ If I want to share a favourite recipe that is not my own, can I? Or do I need to write the publisher and get permission first?

~ Are photos like book quotes? Can I include ones I like if I cite where they are from?

I think most of my questions relate to copyright laws...I'm just curious. I see so many different things all over the blog world, I am not sure what the proper conduct is.

If anyone out there knows where to direct me for answers I would appreciate it.

I noticed that I have reached the 1000 views mark on my blog this week-end. I am surprised and thankful for everyone who has shown an interest and taken time to view my little corner of the web. Thank you for participating in my journey!

the joys of homeschool

I started homeschooling my kids this year (for many, many reasons) Technically, we are schooling at home. In BC they have a program called distributed learning which gives parents the option of having their kids do school at home. They still follow the curriculum (mostly - I can pick and choose how they follow it) and they have a teacher they see once a week. They will still graduate with a diploma but they get to learn at home and I oversee the majority of their education.

I am really, really enjoying it.

One of my favourite things about homeschooling is our mornings. I love that we don't have to rush...I love that I don't have to pack lunches...and I love that I am able to finally take some time for myself.

We still wake up early but every morning the kids have some play time and I take an extra hour in my room to write in my journal and read a chapter (or two) of a book.

(to see what I was reading in January click here).

EVERY day...I promise you it sure beats waking up at the crack of dawn, jumping out of bed and rushing.

Every moment of my life felt like I was rushing somewhere...and nagging the kids to hurry up; because we were almost always late for something.

Now...ah...it is relaxed.

The kids have time to relax and play in the morning; we eat breakfast together as a family (minus of course my amazing hubby...if we could only figure out some way for him to stay home...)

and then, when we are all relaxed and feeling good about our day we begin school.

SO much better than the daily rush.

I love spending time with each child individually and watching them learn.

I love that they can move quickly on subjects that are easy for them and that they can take more time on those that they need extra help with. I love that they can get one on one help when they need it.

and I really love that in the middle of the day we can take some time to make cookies, or muffins, or bread or whatever we feel like making and that whoever wants to help out can help.

I love that my kids can play board games in the middle of the day if they choose to and that those board games give my 11 year old daughter something she will happily do with her brothers.

I love watching my kids as they grasp concepts and learn new things.

I feel like I have found the best of both worlds. I have my kids at home with me, I avoid all the things I don't like about the public school system and I still get access to what I feel are the benefits.

I love that I can make choices and live my life the way I want to live it.

failure and success

I have been thinking a lot this week about failure and my previous attitude towards it (see 25 Jan posting for some background).

This week I have finally realized that failure is necessary to experience success. I have intellectually known this for a long time but it is just sinking in.

Failure is the true path to success...without failing we can not succeed.

Simple.

Why it took so long for me to figure this out I will never know. So this year I am going to try and embrace failure because that is the only way I am going to improve and become better. And don't we all want to be better?

this is me enjoying one of my many failures...I am trying to conquer the bunnyhill!

I did make it down without falling and I did graduate from the kiddie run

to the bunny hill...so I am going to view this hill as part of my road to success instead of

evidence of my failure. Maybe next week I will learn how to turn...

stepping forward

This month I am trying something new.

My three oldest kids are taking skiing lessons and I have decided to join them.

Until now I have never learned to ski and I have lived near ski hills most of my life.

I have been trying to overcome a bad habit of mine.

As long as I can remember if I haven't been able to do something well I have not wanted to do it. Hence, I have never participated in sports (other than in school when I had to or else take an F in P.E. which was unacceptable to me). Until recently I never did anything artistic. In fact I didn't do much of anything.

I don't know how to swim.

I don't know how to ride a bike.

I don't know how to play a musical instrument.

I don't know how to ski.

I don't know how to sing.

I don't know how to skate.

When I was in grade one my class went ice skating. I was so excited. I couldn't wait to get on the ice and do a sit spin and of course I couldn't wait to wear one of those really cute little skating costumes with the little twirly skirt...which of course I did not get to wear and when I stepped onto the ice for the first time... I immediately fell. I was mortified. Particularly when my teacher brought me a little cage to hold onto so I could at least stand. That was the moment I realized how inadequate I was. That was when I realized that I could not do everything I thought I could. I never skated again.

Yes, this has been one of my greatest weaknesses. And I do realize how ridiculous it sounds. But, I have always had a strong desire to be perfect...to live a perfect life. For a long time I tried to avoid living the life I wanted because I knew that the reality would not live up to my expectations. Instead I ended up living a life that was pretty boring. I did do some things, but I was generally not satisfied with the outcomes and I was still too afraid to try anything that required skill. I learned how to cook out of necessity when I got married and I discovered that I was pretty good at it. So, I continued to practice and got annoyed with myself whenever things didn't turn out perfectly.

Around the time I turned thirty I decided that I needed to change. There were so many things that I would have liked to have done in my youth that I didn't do. I did not want to waste my life. So I started to do things. I took a few painting classes and discovered that I really enjoyed painting and was so happy when my paintings were recognizable. They actually looked like something...people actually hung them on their walls!!! I was a little embarrassed still as I could notice all the mistakes, but they were better than I thought they would be.

I went back to school. I no longer felt like a failure to still be in school when I was over thirty. ( I always thought I'd have a PhD by then). I am taking longer than the average student. But I love it.

I few years ago I finally realized that I didn't need perfection. I could be happy with progress. Improvement was something to be proud of. I didn't need to be top of the class (or somewhere just slightly above average which previously was okay with me as long as I hadn't put in any effort. Above average with no effort was just as okay as perfection with little effort).

I no longer wanted to be content with who I was. I wanted to be happy about the person I was becoming.

And so this week as I conquered the kiddie run up at the ski hill I was almost giddy with happiness...

Happy because I was finally learning to ski and that I had learned to snow plow and because on my first attempt I fell but I got up and tried again and by the end of the day I had figured out how to stay standing, moving and even turning and I was excited about my progress!

Externally as well as internally.

I am so happy that I have figured out that the way to true happiness and finding joy is to keep moving forward...

even if I am only taking baby steps.

following my own path

Can you believe it is almost two weeks into the New Year?

I've been thinking a lot this year (so far) about where I want to go and what I want to do.

I think it is important to keep re-evaluating to make sure that the path I am on is heading in the direction that I want to go.

I really want to keep learning and going forward. I read a quote once (unfortunately I can't remember who said it) that went something like this...if we keep doing what we have always done we'll keep getting what we have always gotten. Something like that anyway. If I want to see new results I have to keep trying to do new things.

I am really excited about all the possibilities and opportunities this year holds for me and my family.

Over the past decade, most years I have had no idea where I would be at the end of the year which I think is kind of odd for somebody my age. The excitement and wonder of discovery is something that is often experienced during the late teens and early twenties.


I bought my first house just after my 22nd birthday and worked for most of my twenties at a good job with benefits. I didn't explore much...I focused on "responsibility". It's not that I am not responsible now; in fact, I am sure that I am much more responsible and cautious on a day to day basis than I used to be. But, I am much more open to experiences and trying new things. I am less afraid to try and less embarrassed by failure.

 I want to live my life...not a life that others have imagined for me. My life may not be conventional in many ways but I am enjoying the adventure. Although it may look at times like I am failing at what I am attempting to do I do experience more successes than failures and I know if I continue on my path I will arrive at the destination that I have envisioned.

 I agree with Thomas Edison. "Many of life's failures are men who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up". I think that this is an important quote to remember. Keep going....success may be just around the corner.

Building castles and planning foundations

We spent an afternoon at the local bird sanctuary one day (when the sun was actually shining!) and I was so happy to see so many beautiful blooms...

I came across a great quote today that I wanted to write down somewhere where I would be able to find it again...I thought this would be a good place:

"I urge you to examine your life. Determine where you are and what you need to do to be the kind of person you want to be. Create inspiring, noble, and righteous goals that fire your imagination and create excitement in your heart and then keep your eye on them. Work consistently towards achieving them."
 ~Joseph B. Wirthlin

I really love that. My mind has been in this place for awhile (well, in the moments I am not thinking about homework).

My daughter had her first sleepover this past week-end and when I mentioned to her and her friend that I had to go and do some homework the friend looked at me like I was crazy and said "aren't you a little old for homework?" Well...yes, I guess you could say that I am, especially to a couple of ten year olds. But, I am learning so much and I have always wanted a degree. I think that it is so important to constantly be moving forwards towards your goals even if you risk looking ridiculous to others.

I recently read the book Walden by Henry David Thoreau, which I really enjoyed. So often I have heard the quote "go confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you have imagined". But, that is only a part of it; the full quote was so much better!

"I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavours to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favour in a more liberal sense and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings. In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness. If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundation under them." ~ Henry David Thoreau 1854

I think that is my all time favourite quote. I wish I had heard the full quote a long time ago; I think it is so much more powerful. Dream big and then get to work to build those foundations. That is what I am doing right now, dreaming big and planning out those foundations....

homework

For the past two weeks I have been frantically finishing up three of my courses that finish at the end of this month. I have been reading and reading and reading and writing essays. Tonight with a frazzled brain and blurry eyes I decided I could not do anymore (plus I am trying to recover from a lingering flu bug) so I took the night off and watched half of Julie and Julia with my hubby.

Half because we were too tired to watch the rest (did I mention a flu bug has been running through our house: flu bug + four children = no sleep). And I also was feeling too guilty to watch the rest. I missed my blog. I missed other peoples blogs. So I thought that on my way to bed I would quickly type a little message, no photos today just a message.

I am looking forward to finishing up my classes over the next three weeks ( I do have three more sitting in a box ready to go, but I'm not thinking about those yet). I am excited because these classes I am doing officially put me over the half way point! I have been working on my degree (BA with a double major in English and History) for four years... I should be done I know. But as I stated previously - four kids - tired - no time! I can't wait to complete it. I am hoping to get the next half done in two years; it is something that I have wanted for a long time and I think it will feel so good to actually accomplish one of my life goals.

One of my favourite things: adding a check mark to a list...can't wait to say: BA degree - DONE!