dreaming of spring...

This morning I awoke dreaming of spring...

The sun was shining, the trees were in full blossom...

But as I fully awoke and came to my senses I knew that out my bedroom window I would not see signs of spring...

Out my bedroom window it is still very much winter.

In my little corner of beautiful British Columbia winter has decided to camp out...long term. But, as I look out at this image...

just for today, I am going to imagine that I see this instead...

Every once in a while I need a little sunshine...even if it is only in my imagination.

I hope your day is filled with sunshine and blossoms!

failure and success

I have been thinking a lot this week about failure and my previous attitude towards it (see 25 Jan posting for some background).

This week I have finally realized that failure is necessary to experience success. I have intellectually known this for a long time but it is just sinking in.

Failure is the true path to success...without failing we can not succeed.

Simple.

Why it took so long for me to figure this out I will never know. So this year I am going to try and embrace failure because that is the only way I am going to improve and become better. And don't we all want to be better?

this is me enjoying one of my many failures...I am trying to conquer the bunnyhill!

I did make it down without falling and I did graduate from the kiddie run

to the bunny hill...so I am going to view this hill as part of my road to success instead of

evidence of my failure. Maybe next week I will learn how to turn...

stepping forward

This month I am trying something new.

My three oldest kids are taking skiing lessons and I have decided to join them.

Until now I have never learned to ski and I have lived near ski hills most of my life.

I have been trying to overcome a bad habit of mine.

As long as I can remember if I haven't been able to do something well I have not wanted to do it. Hence, I have never participated in sports (other than in school when I had to or else take an F in P.E. which was unacceptable to me). Until recently I never did anything artistic. In fact I didn't do much of anything.

I don't know how to swim.

I don't know how to ride a bike.

I don't know how to play a musical instrument.

I don't know how to ski.

I don't know how to sing.

I don't know how to skate.

When I was in grade one my class went ice skating. I was so excited. I couldn't wait to get on the ice and do a sit spin and of course I couldn't wait to wear one of those really cute little skating costumes with the little twirly skirt...which of course I did not get to wear and when I stepped onto the ice for the first time... I immediately fell. I was mortified. Particularly when my teacher brought me a little cage to hold onto so I could at least stand. That was the moment I realized how inadequate I was. That was when I realized that I could not do everything I thought I could. I never skated again.

Yes, this has been one of my greatest weaknesses. And I do realize how ridiculous it sounds. But, I have always had a strong desire to be perfect...to live a perfect life. For a long time I tried to avoid living the life I wanted because I knew that the reality would not live up to my expectations. Instead I ended up living a life that was pretty boring. I did do some things, but I was generally not satisfied with the outcomes and I was still too afraid to try anything that required skill. I learned how to cook out of necessity when I got married and I discovered that I was pretty good at it. So, I continued to practice and got annoyed with myself whenever things didn't turn out perfectly.

Around the time I turned thirty I decided that I needed to change. There were so many things that I would have liked to have done in my youth that I didn't do. I did not want to waste my life. So I started to do things. I took a few painting classes and discovered that I really enjoyed painting and was so happy when my paintings were recognizable. They actually looked like something...people actually hung them on their walls!!! I was a little embarrassed still as I could notice all the mistakes, but they were better than I thought they would be.

I went back to school. I no longer felt like a failure to still be in school when I was over thirty. ( I always thought I'd have a PhD by then). I am taking longer than the average student. But I love it.

I few years ago I finally realized that I didn't need perfection. I could be happy with progress. Improvement was something to be proud of. I didn't need to be top of the class (or somewhere just slightly above average which previously was okay with me as long as I hadn't put in any effort. Above average with no effort was just as okay as perfection with little effort).

I no longer wanted to be content with who I was. I wanted to be happy about the person I was becoming.

And so this week as I conquered the kiddie run up at the ski hill I was almost giddy with happiness...

Happy because I was finally learning to ski and that I had learned to snow plow and because on my first attempt I fell but I got up and tried again and by the end of the day I had figured out how to stay standing, moving and even turning and I was excited about my progress!

Externally as well as internally.

I am so happy that I have figured out that the way to true happiness and finding joy is to keep moving forward...

even if I am only taking baby steps.

snow days

The snow is coming down heavily today...

The hubby has gone to work...

I am thinking about Nova Scotia and the winters we had there...

In winter most of the cute shops close down as everyone settles in for the winter. Any snow fall often results in school closures and/or road closures...on a heavy snowfall even the big box stores would close...but not here...out west we are a little tougher (or crazier)...we've taken long journeys through the rockies in weather much worse than any I saw in two years in Nova Scotia where my husband was once stuck in a road block for nearly fourteen hours with many others after the main highway was closed due to a few inches of snow.

Annoying at times...but also very peaceful. It was so nice to have an excuse to stay home and cuddle up with a good book and the family and read the day away...

so today...I am going to pretend I am in Nova Scotia and take a snow day...I'll just pretend my hubby is safe in his studio until he gets home from work...maybe it will snow all week-end! And just this once we can all pretend that we are back in Nova Scotia...we'll just ignore the strange looks we get when we tell people we took a "snow week-end"...do you think they will understand?

following my own path

Can you believe it is almost two weeks into the New Year?

I've been thinking a lot this year (so far) about where I want to go and what I want to do.

I think it is important to keep re-evaluating to make sure that the path I am on is heading in the direction that I want to go.

I really want to keep learning and going forward. I read a quote once (unfortunately I can't remember who said it) that went something like this...if we keep doing what we have always done we'll keep getting what we have always gotten. Something like that anyway. If I want to see new results I have to keep trying to do new things.

I am really excited about all the possibilities and opportunities this year holds for me and my family.

Over the past decade, most years I have had no idea where I would be at the end of the year which I think is kind of odd for somebody my age. The excitement and wonder of discovery is something that is often experienced during the late teens and early twenties.


I bought my first house just after my 22nd birthday and worked for most of my twenties at a good job with benefits. I didn't explore much...I focused on "responsibility". It's not that I am not responsible now; in fact, I am sure that I am much more responsible and cautious on a day to day basis than I used to be. But, I am much more open to experiences and trying new things. I am less afraid to try and less embarrassed by failure.

 I want to live my life...not a life that others have imagined for me. My life may not be conventional in many ways but I am enjoying the adventure. Although it may look at times like I am failing at what I am attempting to do I do experience more successes than failures and I know if I continue on my path I will arrive at the destination that I have envisioned.

 I agree with Thomas Edison. "Many of life's failures are men who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up". I think that this is an important quote to remember. Keep going....success may be just around the corner.

in season

I have been feeling a little guilty about my last post...it is not exactly in season as I look out my window at the snow. I do love to be in season and so I thought I better post something a little more appropriate.

We have been enjoying the snow for the past couple of weeks

We have been tobogganing almost daily...

and enjoying the views of winter. My parents have this great tree in their yard. It is actually two trees that have grown up together...

One tree is an apple tree...

and one tree is an ornamental cherry.

In the spring the blossoms are beautiful. Half the tree is white and the other half is pink.

This year I discovered the tree is beautiful in winter as well and I had some fun photographing it.

I ran out of canning jars and didn't get to finish all the fruit before the snow came. I am happy that I did. I think the apples add a nice hint of colour to our gray winter sky and the birds will have something to pick at through the winter.

I love watching snow fall. Especially at night.

There is a creek on one side of the farm. I always love it down there. It is so cool in summer and especially peaceful in winter.



It is also very beautiful...

I am very happy to be spending the winter surrounded by my parents' farm and having family around.

I love living in Canada and being able to watch the seasons change.

Happy Winter!