A Little Love

Wow - The past two weeks have been crazy busy. But, I am feeling the love.

Let's see:

1. I love our exchange student. She is wonderful. I am so happy that we have somebody who isn't freaked out by the craziness that is our family and someone who doesn't add to the craziness either. So far the experience is perfect.

2. I love photography school. The only downside is my weeks go by SO fast. I mean freakishly fast. And since this is the beginning and we are learning everything from the beginning, photography has become a little more difficult. (If you are familiar with photography - we have to keep the camera on P setting and can only adjust the ISO). But, I love it and I am learning so much. This is a sample from my homework this week-end. We are just starting landscapes. This is actually portrait style rather than landscape - but I hope it works. I liked it anyway. We are working on framing and ISO, so that is all we are allowed to play with right now.

3. I love being out of the house. I feel a little guilty saying that because I do really love being home with my kids. But, I have been home with my kids for fourteen years. It is really fun to get out and talk to other adults. Although, everyone in my class is closer to my kids' ages than to my age. But, it is still nice. 

4. I am learning a lot about time management in the kitchen. Being out of the house has brought some new challenges in the kitchen. But, I am loving coming home and making a meal for my family. I am learning to appreciate it even more than I did before. (I can't wait to get some extra income so I can really start playing around in the kitchen...and with extra photography skills too!)

5. I love how we are all learning to juggle our schedules a little better. My husband is learning to do the school runs in between working. The kids are learning how to help out a little more. I am learning how to juggle two batches of homework everyday ( I still haven't finished my last degree...although I am really getting close now), helping five kids with homework instead of four, being out of the house all day, and still finding time for my hubby, the kids, church, chores and everything else that needs to get done around here. 

I am hoping that soon I will finish my last batch of classes for my BA degree freeing up a little time and energy and that I will be able to find a little time to relax...somewhere in there. If not...I should have my time management skills perfected by the end of the year. 

6. I love that life continually brings changes and learning experiences. I always feel like I am growing and learning and ever so slowly improving.

7.  I love that I have the opportunity to create a life for myself. Although I am limited by time and money I can still constantly move forward and I think I love that most of all.

My little piece of heaven...

Today I hugged my kids a little tighter.

This morning I accompanied my youngest to the pumpkin patch with his class.

There is something about watching five year olds find the perfect pumpkin.

so proud of himself.

And then I took one too many photos...

and things became silly. I love every picture of his silly face.

I smiled at his eagerness to line up for the bus many minutes before anyone else. Today was his first time on a school bus and he was so excited.

I was so grateful as I watched him. Grateful that I could be there. Grateful that I have been able to stay home with my kids while they are little. Grateful for all the time I have had with them.

When I returned to the school it was recess and my middle son's eyes lit up when he saw me and he ran over to me for a hug. I was so happy to have that hug. So grateful to receive a hug even though his friends were watching. He said he hadn't been feeling well and was wanting to come home and miraculously I arrived just as he was wishing that he could go home. I brought him home and bundled him up on the couch with a movie. It felt so good to see his happy face and hear his little voice saying "Thank you so much for coming to get me mommy".

I anxiously awaited the end of school so I could pick up the two boys who were still at school.

My daughter agreed to babysit while I ran down to the school to get them. On the way there I thought about how big she is getting. How much she has matured over the past months and what a help and a friend she is to me.

photo by Caylee Secretan

 We are busy planning our third annual girls day for November and we are really looking forward to it. 

She is growing up so fast and it really freaks me out that she has so few years left at home. My babies are growing up so fast!

After school I decided to surprise the kids with a treat and made chocolate chip cookies and hot chocolate with whipping cream. While I baked I let the boys play video games...

They were so happy... Thursday is not one of their regular days to play. They played until I called them to the table for a treat.

I loved watching how happy they were. Today has been cool and drizzling...warm cookies and hot chocolate was much appreciated. 

They were so happy and really it required very little effort on my part. We get so caught up in the day to day routines it was nice to spoil them a little. I wanted them to know how grateful I am for them. How much I love them and how I am not just about nagging them to do homework, and clean their rooms, and hurry up because we are going to be late...I need to bring more fun into our lives. 

At least once in awhile. We do that during the holidays but during the school year everyone is always so busy that sometimes we forget to stop and enjoy each other. 

I was reminded of that over the past couple of days as I read "Heaven is Here" by Stephanie Nielson. Her story is so heartbreaking and inspiring. Reading it made me want to hug my kids a little tighter each day and reminded me what a privilege it is to be a mother. How lucky I am to have been blessed with four beautiful children. Today I am filled with gratitude for a wonderful husband who works so hard to  take care of his family and who really loves me. I sometimes forget how rare that is. After fifteen years we are still best friends and even more in love than the day we were married. He is so good to me and I am so happy that I have him. My family means so much to me and even though I tell them every day, I don't always take the time to show them. 

Thank you NieNie for reminding me that Heaven IS here. I think I will appreciate my life and express my gratitude just a little bit more after reading your book. 

If you haven't read it yet...go out and buy it. I can't imagine anyone reading this book and not being affected by her powerful message of hope and gratitude. On a side note... it also made me want to get out and run. If she can...I really have no excuse.

News and Inspiration

We have been doing the happy dance at our house all week-end and I thought I would share our good news...

On Friday, my husband received a package in the mail and inside was a letter that began with...

You know a letter beginning with these words is always a good thing...(except for the time my granny received a letter from publisher's clearing house that began with these words and told her she was a winner of a million dollars; then she didn't go anywhere for a year because she was afraid she would miss them when they brought the cheque...but that's another story!)

ANYWAY...our letter did bring good news!



And so it looks like in August we will all be headed to the beautiful city of Vancouver for a few years...another adventure awaits. I am so happy to know where I will be for the next few years...and I am so proud of my amazing hubby and all the hard work he has done to get us there. Now the list making and planning begins!

PART TWO: My Inspiration

For those of you who are interested I thought I would share (with my hubby's permission of course) his story and why he inspires me everyday...it is long, so if you were only interested in my news...have a happy Monday! If you want to know what inspires me...read on:

When my husband was finishing up 7th grade he and his parents were invited to a meeting with the principal of the high school he would be attending. While there, he was informed that he would not be able to attend regular high school classes because his teachers felt that he would not be capable of completing the courses...he wasn't smart enough. He was encouraged to think about getting a trade as he would never be able to be a professional and he would never be accepted to any University. He and his parents trusted that the schools knew best and wouldn't put him in this class unless it was really necessary. They assumed that the school had his best interest in mind.

My husband didn't learn like other kids. He was very hands on and a visual learner. He didn't fit in to the way the curriculum was presented. He needed to be taken out. This decision, of course affected every aspect of his high school experience and his self esteem.

As I have mentioned previously, I met my husband in high school but didn't become friends with him until a few years after we graduated. I was new to the high school in 10th grade. I was (I admit) a little snobby and let's just say that if the school had the caste system of India...the students in the special ed. class were the untouchables. I did not choose to speak to my future hubby and he being on the bottom rung of high school society did not have enough courage to speak to me. But our story is another post.

After high school my husband did just as he was advised. He got a trade. He became a painter. At first he worked with his dad and then after we were married he started his own company. The work was not satisfying. He was bored. For fun he would draw houseplans. We would imagine different places we could live and he would draw a new "dream" plan every week. He had wanted to be an architect since his early teens but because of his lack of academic schooling and his belief that he was not capable of going to university he shelved that dream...sort of. I watched him as  he would sit at his drafting table in every spare moment drawing  plans. He had new ideas almost every day. He was amazing. He would be inspired by so many different things and he would have to draw them. In the fourteen years we have been married he has drawn out literally thousands of new plans. During our leanest years when we had no money for entertainment, I would give him a list of requirements trying to make it very difficult and he would draw up a house plan that included everything I listed. No matter how hard I made the assignment it never took him more than an hour. He is so creative and talented. I knew he could do it but it took a long time for him to believe it himself.

We tried a few times to send him back to school but things never really worked out until we turned thirty. We knew that if he didn't go to architecture school now that he would never go. We had two small chilren, we were getting older.

We finally decided to just go for it; try our best; pray for help and do it.

My hubby applied to the local college to the fine arts department. He was accepted as a mature student. He started school and the first year was very challenging. I was pregnant with our third child. We lost our only income and had to rely on student loans. My hubby had never written an essay in his life. He ended the year with straight A's and he made the Dean's list.

During his second year the small school was purchased as a second campus to the University of British Columbia. All students already in a program were automatically accepted into UBC and could continue with their program. We kept going forward. He received bursaries, grants and scholarships. He graduated with a BFA at the top of his class. Three students from his graduating class were chosen to apply to the Bank of Montreal first Art competition. They chose the top BFA graduate from all schools in each province. My hubby won for British Columbia.

He thought of applying to architecture schools. He started applications. He did not feel confident. He applied to one graduate school to complete his MFA. Most MFA programs only accept a few students. He chose what he thought was the best school in the country just to see if he could get in. They took nine students. He was one of them. We moved to Nova Scotia where after much hardship and dedication he recieved his MFA. Each year I have watched him as his confidence has grown.

After he graduated he decided to apply for a couple of University teaching positions instead of applying to architecture schools. He felt that maybe that would be better. We would not have to worry about money anymore if he got a job, we could finally settle somewhere. He didn't get hired. We talked about architecture school again. I think he was afraid to apply and be rejected. It would be final. He would never be an architect.

We moved back to  BC to take a year off to contemplate what we would do. He wavered back and forth between applying and not applying to architecture school. A few weeks before the final deadline for applications for 2011, he decided to just do it. He picked the one school he really wanted to go to and applied. They had over 350 applicants and they would accept 65. My hubby was nervous.

I felt confident that he had the talent to get in. I know that he will be an amazing architect. We prayed. We hoped. We talked a little of what we would do if he didn't get in. He did. I have never seen him so happy. I mean, of course he was happy when we got married and when the kids were born. But, this is different. I have never witnessed anything like it. He hasn't really changed much outwardly, although I can see it in his face. I can hear it in his voice as he repeats (often) "I can't believe that I got into architecture school". He chose the one school he really wanted, he sent them his resume, his portfolio, his transcripts and his references. He was chosen...no waitlist...first choice. His dream that he thought would NEVER be fulfilled is happening. He will be 38 years old when he starts school in August. He has waited for more than twenty years for this day. I really believe that this is what he was meant to do.

I am SO proud and inspired....

He shows me that if you want something bad enough you can do it...no matter how big your obstacles are. It may take time and a lot of hard work but it can be done.

He shows me that if we follow our passion success will come.

We all have potential to be great.

No one should ever be overlooked or told that they "can't" do something.

What have you always wanted?

a Valentine's Love story

Happy Valentine's Day!

Since today is dedicated to love, I thought I would share the story of how I found mine...

I met my husband when my family and I moved to a new town. We were both fifteen.

We attended the same high school and the same church but we never really became friends and I don't really remember much about him until a few years after graduation. (Although for some reason he remembers a little blue skirt I used to like to wear in the tenth grade).

When we were 21 we met up again and since we had some common friends we ended up often being in the same place. We quickly became good friends. Over the next three years as other friends came and went (many going away to school, moving for work or getting married) my husband remained a constant and best friend. Everyday after work he would come over or we would go to a movie or get something to eat or go meet up with other friends...

It was great! I had a few experiences previously that had made me decide to "swear off men for good".
The entire time we were friends, I did not date...at all...and it was great. Anywhere I went that required a date...I took my best friend. I always had a man around for a male point of view, someone to hang out with, talk to...why did I need a boyfriend? If I wanted to be alone...no problem just send him home with no questions. I thought I had found the best of both worlds AND because we had known each other for so long I KNEW that there would never be any of the problems of ONE of us "having feelings" for the other (I hate when that happens) because if either of us had been interested in the other it would have come up before. He was not my type at all and I knew that I wasn't his type.

It really was almost perfect...

Maybe it was because I never dated anyone else, maybe it was because we were always together or maybe it was because we were always having so much fun together... but for some reason people always assumed we were a couple.

After awhile it came up A LOT. Our other friends stopped believing that we were only friends (which I swear we were). The idea of us being a couple seemed to occur to everybody...except us.

We really liked where we were. He was the best friend I had ever had. We had so many laughs together and we could talk for hours. My hubby still dated occasionally and he loved that I could give him female insight into what was going on...I could usually translate female speak into a language he could more readily understand. I enjoyed having companionship without any drama or stress or having to wonder if this relationship was good for me and I never had to wonder why he wasn't calling because he ALWAYS did. Like I said it was very nearly perfect.

But, eventually the questions became an almost daily occurance..."are you two together?", "why aren't you together?", "but you laugh at all his jokes?", "how long have you two been dating?". "He's not my type" came out of my mouth almost every day...

And then, one Christmas he went to his sister's. I missed him when he was gone even though he called me almost every day. He came home early on boxing day to attend a dance. I saw him briefly but a mutual friend of ours cornered him and the two of them sat in the corner talking intently for a long time. I found myself wondering what they were talking about...I wasn't jealous, just curious...but I guess I had looked over at them a few too many times as another mutual friend came over to tell me not to be jealous ( I honestly wasn't). The two of us were caught up in seperate conversations (that unbeknownst to us were just a little bit planned out). My conversation went something like this:

Friend: "You are holding up really well. You have been in love with him for so long...he is SO stupid not to notice".
Me: "WHAT? I am so NOT in love with him. He is not my type. We are just really good friends."
Friend: "Yah, whatever. As I said, he is so stupid to not notice, you laugh at all his jokes. It is really obvious to everybody else".
Me: "like I said, He is not my type, I am not his type. We are just really good friends".
Friend: "yes, right. He better hurry up and do something. A girl like you isn't going to sit around waiting forever you know. You'll be snatched up by somebody else soon and then he will be sorry".
Me: " uhm..." (Me thinking: "are you trying to hit on me?") "I'll talk to you later" and I get up and walk away...

A little while later the girl that my (future) hubby had so intently been talking to approached me and immediately grilled me with.
Friend: "okay...what is your story...WHY are you two not together?"
Me: "he's not my type; we are just good friends" (do you notice I did not have a very original or specific answer...I was beginning to notice this myself)
Friend: "What is it about him exactly that makes him not your type, he's nice, funny, cute..."
Me: "uhm...."
silence. I could not think of anything specifically.
Me: thinking, thinking, thinking....racking my brain for something other than he doesn't have a great job because I really didn't care about that or he wasn't very cool in high school because I really didn't care about that either...still thinking...
Me: "well we are best friends and I wouldn't want to ruin that" was the best I could come up with.
Friend: "Well coming where I am coming from his being your best friend is a positive not a negative. You should really think about it seriously." and she walks away.

My (future) hubby came over after the dance and filled me in on his earlier conversation which went something like this:

Friend: "why are you two not together"
Hubby: "she's not my type"
Friend: "what about her is not your type? She is smart, fun, pretty and she laughs at all your jokes"
Hubby: "uhm...." (not sure what he was thinking at this point).
Friend: "What?"
Hubby: "What if we got together and things didn't work out? We are such good friends I wouldn't want to ruin that".
Friend: "Being friends sounds like a good reason to get together"
Hubby: "huh".
Friend: "If you are worried about the chemistry, just kiss her and find out. If you are such good friends you should be able to get over a kiss, right?"
Hubby: ":)" (I think he secretly enjoyed this idea).

Back at my place...as he is relating this story...

me: "WHAT? there is no way that I am ever going to kiss you so forget it".
Hubby: "oh...yah... that's what I was thinking...no way I would ever kiss you..........."
SILENCE.......

And then nothing happened. Back to normal. Except for the nagging voice in the back of my head that was constantly saying..."what is it about him that you don't like" and the constant irritation that I could not think of anything. ANYTHING. I didn't want to like him. I REALLY didn't.

I was working. I (at this point) liked my job. I had plans. Getting married did not fit in to them. And deep down I knew that if we ever got together we would get married...

Things were a little awkward but not too bad. We still hung out everyday. He still went on dates with other girls. Everyday I had that nagging voice in my head. It would not go away. "Why not him?" "What don't you like about him? He is nice to you, he is your best friend, you would rather spend time with and talk to him more than anybody else, he makes you laugh...what is there not to like?" Everyday I would try very hard to suppress those thoughts.

One night we were with a group of friends in a hot tub. Friends left one by one. Soon it was just the two of us. talking. Out of the blue my (future) hubby asked me if I loved him. "yes" came out of my mouth. Followed by..."of course I do, you are my best friend". We talked about the nagging voices in both of our heads. We talked about what we were going to do about it. We decided...nothing. Our relationship was (almost) perfect...we would leave everything as it was. Getting out of the hot tub...he kissed me.

We were engaged within two months. Officially we never went on a single date but we had known each other for nine years. We were married eight and a half months after our first kiss which was just over fourteen years ago. Every single one of those days he has been my best friend. He is still the one I would rather spend time with or talk to more than anyone else. He can make me smile when no one else can, he can calm me when I am stressed and through all of the struggles, challenges and hardships I have faced over those fourteen years I have been so thankful that he has been with me.

I never was a huge romantic; but, I know that he was meant for me. Growing up I never wanted to get married but now I know that is the best thing I ever did.