29 August 2013

Decisions, Decisions...

Not feeling great today. I think I have an end of summer cold coming on. But, aside from that possible cold my family and I are all healthy.

 I am so thankful for my family. I feel so lucky to have an amazing husband, four great kids and to know that we all love and support each other.  I know that is a great blessing and it is the most important thing in my life. 

After my last post I was introduced to and reminded of a few big problems belonging to other people that helped me put my own problems into perspective.

For those who asked  - my problems almost always tend to be financial. That and trying to maintain all of my values and priorities in a world that doesn't always support them. Well, very rarely supports them ... maybe almost never supports them. It is difficult for all of us in our family to always be doing something different from everybody else around us. Sometimes what we want to achieve seems nearly impossible. But we feel strongly that we are making the right choices for our family and we continue to push forward hoping that at some point everything will work out. I often feel that I make as many steps backwards as I do forwards and wonder if I am really just standing still. But, as I look back I do see progression and improvement although it is never as fast as I would like.  I feel like a little kid wanting to cry out, "but I want it all now" and I am constantly reminded that that is not how it works. 

Sometimes not having any money is really annoying. Every time (and I mean EVERY time I seem to finally have the budget balanced something else comes up to knock it off balance). I really don't like having to choose between two things that seem important - this week as I confirmed enrolment in photography school and worked on finishing applications to graduate school - that I was hoping to do next year - I made the discovery that I would not be able to afford both the gas money to drive to school and application fees for graduate school. Money is needed for both in the next two weeks - before payday. So again I must choose. 

Yes, I realize that this could be seen as a really pathetic example of a hard choice and I have had much harder ones. But, this is what is hitting me this week. I will probably look back on it a year from now and understand it better; but, in the moment it feels hard.

I swear I am not as flaky as I appear. I know I must always look to people like I am constantly changing my mind about going to events or doing things. But, it is very rare that I actually change my mind. Usually I just run out of money. Not having enough gas in the car keeps me from hundreds of events and activities that I want to attend. 

Education is so important to me and is also the area of life that has given me the biggest headache. For my husband and myself it is expensive, time consuming, stressful and surrounded with deadlines that I often have a hard time meeting both physically and financially. For the kids the education they are offered is often not what I am wanting, usually not what the kids are wanting and I have a hard time getting them excited about going. This year is no exception. The kids were doing so well but as we get closer to the actual day of starting...they are hitting the brakes - hard! I am definitely not one of those parents who looks forward to the end of holidays. This is always the most difficult time of year for our family as we prepare to leave our sanctuary and support group and head out individually into the world.     There has been a lot to talk about in our house this week as we make decisions and try to encourage each other. Some days I would just like to wrap a cocoon around our house and forget about everything else outside the walls of our home. If only I could.

On a side note the bed my husband has been working on is almost finished...

he finished painting it last night and we are going to try a few different techniques on it today to see if we can get the exact look we want...I will post a photo when it is done, which will have to be soon because our exchange student arrives Saturday!

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