Life in a Whirlwind

I just realized that it has been almost exactly six years since we packed up and moved our family of six from BC - driving across Canada - to Nova Scotia. We were so excited for our new adventure. I didn't even mind getting rid of most of my stuff.

Since then:

-we had the best summer of our lives exploring the maritime provinces and enjoying the incredible beauty that is found here.

-my husband spent two years commuting two hours in each direction to Halifax to attend school. We barely saw him. But, we were so excited when he received his Master's Degree.

-We then moved back to BC - driving across Canada - again getting rid of half of our stuff - and spent a year living in a 600 square foot cottage. It was a great experience and I'm really glad we did it. We were able to spend a lot of time with my family.

- We then moved to Vancouver (about a five hour distance from where we were). We were so excited for my hubby to fulfill his lifelong dream of becoming an architect.

- Our first week in Vancouver we both knew we were not supposed to be there - this was not the path for us. One semester later we moved back. We spent a year and a half living in the town we both went to high school in. My entire family (parents, sister and family, and brother and family) were all living in the same town at the same time. My kids were able to spend a lot of time with their cousins, which made me really happy.

- Last year we got rid of half of our stuff, packed the family up and moved back to Nova Scotia. My hubby taught at Acadia university over the summer and loved it. We were so excited for him to finally be starting a career he loved.

During all that time I worked on and completed my bachelor of Arts degree majoring in English, minoring in History.

I started a photography course in September while completing my bachelor's degree (I finished my BA at the end of October and received my degree in March).  I finish my photography course in July.

We've shared our home with exchange students over the past year and have enjoyed spending time with a 16 year old girl from Italy, an 11 year old boy from South Korea and a 13 year old boy from Colombia.

We've loved spending time with the missionaries from our church and have had them in our home for many, many meals over the past ten months.

Over the past six years we have learned so much, made many new friends and we have been able to spend a lot of time with old friends and family We have loved our many adventures and all of the things we have seen and experienced. I have felt the love of a Heavenly Father who has guided our path.

During this time we have also experienced many challenges, trials, and hardships. Our financial burdens have often been heavy. We have always pushed forward having a great desire to do what we feel is right for us. Over the past six years I have felt more joy than I have ever felt in my life. I have also felt a lot of fear and frustration and guilt.

My hubby has been out of work since October. This has been very difficult for him but he has been incredibly supportive of me and has (mostly) happily played the part of Mr. Mom while I have been at photography school. I have felt a lot of guilt studying photography, but for some reason we both feel strongly that this is something I should do. I have learned so much from this experience and not only about photography. This has been the first time I have daily left home and spent some time alone in fifteen years. My hubby has increased his appreciation of all mother's do...

We are currently planning and praying and trying to figure out what we should do next... I have been accepted into a Master's of Libraries and Information Systems program. I think this will be a good fit for me. It's an online program so I can do it from anywhere. I think I know what I'll be doing for the next two years. My hubby's career is not so clear. University jobs seem to be getting fewer and harder to get. He has been looking across the country and the few that have become available are very competitive. He couldn't find any available for the fall in his field. He has been looking into trucking...there seem to be more jobs available in that field than any other. But...he needs to upgrade his DL and courses cost money...so we're not quite sure what he is going to do yet.

We need to make some definite plans soon. Money has to come from somewhere...we're just not sure where yet. Right now I'm feeling a little scared...but, I do have faith that something will work out for us. Hopefully, soon. I've been feeling a lot of stress and varied emotions this week.

Mostly - today - I'm feeling a little tired.

Decisions, Decisions...

Not feeling great today. I think I have an end of summer cold coming on. But, aside from that possible cold my family and I are all healthy.

 I am so thankful for my family. I feel so lucky to have an amazing husband, four great kids and to know that we all love and support each other.  I know that is a great blessing and it is the most important thing in my life. 

After my last post I was introduced to and reminded of a few big problems belonging to other people that helped me put my own problems into perspective.

For those who asked  - my problems almost always tend to be financial. That and trying to maintain all of my values and priorities in a world that doesn't always support them. Well, very rarely supports them ... maybe almost never supports them. It is difficult for all of us in our family to always be doing something different from everybody else around us. Sometimes what we want to achieve seems nearly impossible. But we feel strongly that we are making the right choices for our family and we continue to push forward hoping that at some point everything will work out. I often feel that I make as many steps backwards as I do forwards and wonder if I am really just standing still. But, as I look back I do see progression and improvement although it is never as fast as I would like.  I feel like a little kid wanting to cry out, "but I want it all now" and I am constantly reminded that that is not how it works. 

Sometimes not having any money is really annoying. Every time (and I mean EVERY time I seem to finally have the budget balanced something else comes up to knock it off balance). I really don't like having to choose between two things that seem important - this week as I confirmed enrolment in photography school and worked on finishing applications to graduate school - that I was hoping to do next year - I made the discovery that I would not be able to afford both the gas money to drive to school and application fees for graduate school. Money is needed for both in the next two weeks - before payday. So again I must choose. 

Yes, I realize that this could be seen as a really pathetic example of a hard choice and I have had much harder ones. But, this is what is hitting me this week. I will probably look back on it a year from now and understand it better; but, in the moment it feels hard.

I swear I am not as flaky as I appear. I know I must always look to people like I am constantly changing my mind about going to events or doing things. But, it is very rare that I actually change my mind. Usually I just run out of money. Not having enough gas in the car keeps me from hundreds of events and activities that I want to attend. 

Education is so important to me and is also the area of life that has given me the biggest headache. For my husband and myself it is expensive, time consuming, stressful and surrounded with deadlines that I often have a hard time meeting both physically and financially. For the kids the education they are offered is often not what I am wanting, usually not what the kids are wanting and I have a hard time getting them excited about going. This year is no exception. The kids were doing so well but as we get closer to the actual day of starting...they are hitting the brakes - hard! I am definitely not one of those parents who looks forward to the end of holidays. This is always the most difficult time of year for our family as we prepare to leave our sanctuary and support group and head out individually into the world.     There has been a lot to talk about in our house this week as we make decisions and try to encourage each other. Some days I would just like to wrap a cocoon around our house and forget about everything else outside the walls of our home. If only I could.

On a side note the bed my husband has been working on is almost finished...

he finished painting it last night and we are going to try a few different techniques on it today to see if we can get the exact look we want...I will post a photo when it is done, which will have to be soon because our exchange student arrives Saturday!

Adversity

Why is it that as soon as it feels like life is finally going to work out perfectly a whole new crop of problems arises?

I have a few beliefs concerning adversity.

I believe that adversity helps me become stronger - I really believe in that old saying - that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger - it is so true.

I believe that adversity helps me to gain perspective and to realign my priorities if necessary.

I believe that if I focus adversity can help me recognize all of the wonderful things that I have in my life.

I believe that I will never have a challenge that I cannot overcome - even though I may need a lot of help.

I believe that adversity helps me to stay humble - recognizing that I need help and asking for it has always been extremely difficult for me.

That said...it is so frustrating and exhausting.

Life - or mine at least - is never... and I mean NEVER easy. The way my life is going so far I think that by the end of it I will be stronger, and more, focused, appreciative and humble than I ever thought possible or ever wanted to be. Every time I overcome one hurdle I get a little scared about what is coming up next. I often wish I had time to just relax a little. But all I can do is breathe deeply and say "bring it on...I'm ready".