Showing posts with label following your passion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label following your passion. Show all posts

12 August 2013

On the Right Path...

Another happy day here in Nova Scotia...



It is difficult for me to describe how different I feel knowing that I am where I know I should be. I have an inner contentment. Stress is non-existant. Not that my life isn't stressful - I mean, my husband and I are both unemployed and the bank account is very quickly dwindling away to nothing - but I feel good. 


I have been walking a lot lately - feeling the breeze, enjoying the sun and just being with my family. 


I have loads to do - but I have not felt stressed at all. 


For those who have been around me over the past three years you know how strange that is. I have been constantly frazzled - I feel like I have aged at least a decade. But, coming here has been a big sigh of relief. 


I am not oblivious to the challenges that lie ahead but I feel prepared to handle them. I feel like I am on the right path. 


I feel lighter, happier, more optimistic...basically, completely content. It has been awhile since I have felt so good.


The best part is I can feel a change in my family too. I don't know if it because I have changed or because our situation has changed but it is good. (my 8 year old is feeling very proud of his bicep and is loving showing it off - posting it for the world to see will give him great pleasure and I am trying to be a  supportive mom!)


The boys have been LOVING it here. 


They are really enjoying all of our explorations. 


And my girl...is growing up so fast. Life isn't always perfect for her - having three younger brothers is not always a 13 year old girls ideal - but I have less of her hiding away with her iPod and


more joining in on family explorations as I give her more independence - SO hard to do! But, I really am trying to allow her more freedoms and to step back a little more. As I do, I notice small changes. And while the early teen mood swings are still there...


I am seeing more smiles and hearing more laughter...


which makes us all happier. I am so grateful to be able to follow the path I know I need to be on and thankful for everybody who has supported me in my decisions. I am so happy to have these experiences and to be given the opportunity to learn and move forward. I am putting the finishing touches on my next step and am really excited for what is coming up in September!


Hopefully everything works out for all of us here. I do know that we are headed into another very busy year full of changes and new experiences and I can't wait...

28 November 2011

bloom...


I love this photo. It reminds me that even if everything around me is falling apart...I can still bloom.
And I need to be reminded of this sometimes.

I really believe that in everything I have a choice...trials can weaken me or make me stronger. I choose.

It all depends on how I look at it. The past few years I have been working on finding beauty in the little things and enjoying the journey. I have been setting priorities, discovering who I am and what I want out of life. I've made some mistakes along the way but I have also learned a lot and am getting ever closer to who and where I want to be.


The hubby's first and last semester of architecture school will soon come to an end and a new chapter will begin...I begin packing for another big move...and I feel happy.

23 November 2011

happiness...

The hubby and I have been formulating plans for our future...our Plan B future.

I've been reading old journals, looking at family photos and reading my old blog posts.

As I think about our future while looking at our past, one item stands out...

When the hubby and I were engaged, I would bring home tourism brochures from the travel agency I worked at. We would look through them and talk about all the places we could live. We were young and the whole world was available to us. The thought that we could live anywhere in the world was exciting. After looking for weeks at brochures for a reason that I do not know we settled on Prince Edward Island. It seemed perfect. We talked about it for weeks, months...but I had a mortgage and a good job and after we married, we stayed where we were.


Nine months into our marriage, I was given the opportunity to take a business trip to New Brunswick. The tourist board flew a number of us over and showed us why we should send our clients to New Brunswick. If I had been single without a mortgage, I would not have returned home. I loved it. Each place I went I fell more and more in love. I remember the last night of the trip standing outside the Algonquin hotel in St. Andrews by the Sea. It was very late at night and tears were running down my cheeks and for the first time in years, I felt like I was home. I missed my new hubby but I did not want to leave. I spent an hour on the phone with him trying to convince him to drop everything and meet me there. We could open a BandB or something, right? We could make it work. I loved the few days I spent in New Brunswick and talked of it often over the next decade.

When my hubby mentioned graduate school in Nova Scotia...I jumped at the chance!


FINALLY...I would get to live in the maritimes.


 We spent two years there and as I look back at our pictures at the smiling faces of my children playing on the beach I realize that (aside from the long commute that my hubby had) we were happiest there.


 We loved the ocean, the day trips, the museums, the galleries, the history, the architecture, the slow-paced lifestyle.


 The maritimes suit us.


The past few weeks we have spent hours discussing and more hours pondering and praying about what we should do. Looking at our photos...of the house we lived in (that is owned by my mother-in-law and rented out) and available to us...it did not take us too long to decide where we should be.


Plans are in the works for a more permanent summer move to Nova Scotia...we feel relief, peace and happiness...no more lobsterless summers for us!

21 November 2011

Plan B

Time in Vancouver has not been going well which has resulted in my lack of posts.

I do like Vancouver. But the past few months have been full of trials, troubles and hopefully growth and learning.

Life is filled with trials; there really isn't anything we can do to escape them. Sometimes we need to focus and push on down the path we have chosen; work through the problems and wait for things to work out. Other times we  realize that the path we have chosen is not the right path for us. This is when we need to be brave, admit we have made a mistake and turn around and choose another path.

The hubby and I are experiencing a wrong path. Even though it is something we have worked on for years...now that we are here, it has become very obvious that this is not our path. Architecture school is not turning out to be what we thought it would be in so many ways. My husband has wanted to be an architect for more than twenty years. We have been working in one way or another to get him to architecture school for fourteen years...we are working on plan B...

12 September 2011

Happy 100th

This is my 100th post...


photo courtesy of my amazing hubby

I found it interesting as I looked over the past 99 posts to see how much life has changed in such a short time. I started writing less than two years ago and in that time I have lived in three very different places. I spent a year homeschooling my kids (which I loved and my children had varying responses to). I canned a lot and didn't bake as much as I would have liked. I have crawled closer to the end of my degree...5 1/2 years in and counting. I have greatly increased my collection of transferware dishes and vintage kitchen items...which reminds me I need to take some pictures of the items more recently acquired. I have read a lot and have had a lot of fun playing with my camera.

I have learned that while changes can be (very) stressful at times they also teach us a lot about ourselves and what our priorities are. I am still learning but getting ever closer to figuring out what I want to be when I grow up. I am just trying to figure out how to fit the dreams and wants of six different people into one family life. I think that is the most difficult part of trying to follow our dreams...getting our dreams to work well together...but we have been working on that too and have almost figured everything out.

We are all learning and experiencing new things as we keep moving forward towards our goals and fulfilling our dreams. I can't wait to see where I am 100 posts from now!

30 August 2011

Vancouver

It feels so good to be reconnected. I have a new internet connection that works and is fast AND a new computer that has more than half a screen!!! I am a happy girl. I have missed my blog.

The family and I have had a crazy busy month!


Two and a half weeks ago we arrived at our new home in Vancouver and spent a week exploring...the beach, the aquarium, the science centre, the hiking trails in Pacific Spirit Regional Park, Granville Island Market...and we have been unpacking and I have been working furiously away on my courses - one month to go and A LOT of work to do! I didn't get pictures of anything except our visit to the UBC rose garden


 which was beautiful by the way.


The hubby started school a week ago and is enjoying it but the hours have been CRAZY!

I am a little nervous about what the next three and half years will be like. But, as we always say the time will go by anyway and working hard will bring us closer to our dreams.

 At times we wonder if we are doing the right thing, our dreams are expensive, time consuming and often exhausting...but you know what, they are so worth it. Eight years ago we stopped and re-evaluated and decided to live a fuller life. Instead of just working to pay the mortgage and living for the week-ends we wanted to live our dreams and in the process we have learned and experienced so much! We are learning a lot about ourselves and what our priorities are and what we really want out of life. We have traded in security and stability but nobody said following dreams would be easy, if they were everybody would be doing it! I know that if we continue to work hard and move towards our goals we will get there...we just have to have patience. I have been making plans for my future this week and working out details on what I will be doing. Although it will still be about a year and a half before I finish my degree...all else on hold until I can get that done. (except I do want to get a new camera sometime soon and practice and play with that. We will see.)

I read somewhere once that the species that survive are the ones that are most adaptable to change...I like to keep that in mind and often repeat it to my kids...I have had a bit of a mutiny around here and two of the three want to go to school this year and have convinced the third to go along with them. So, no homeschool for me this year. It will be a good change. They want to meet some kids in our new area and I will have some one on one time with the four year old which we have never had. So, I just keep rolling with the waves as they come.

For me a life of change brings challenges but also keeps it fresh and exciting! I never know what is around the next bend in the road...


but so far, things keep working out for the best.

Summer has been great and full of memories; fall is just around the corner and I can't wait to see what it brings!

11 July 2011

Old dreams...

Another week-end spent in our "new" house in Vancouver. We brought down a load of boxes (mainly heavy books). We are hoping to move down enough to leave us with a small uhaul trailer load for our final move next month. It is amazing how much we have accumulated over the past year.

I find that this summer I am looking forward to so many things...

I am finally getting a new computer! This one is so close to death...the screen has been slowly disappearing this year and trying to choose photos (or read words) when I can only see three quarters of a screen is sometimes quite challenging. I am also hoping (crossing fingers with eyes closed tight) that I can get a new camera this year. My little fuji point and shoot is not working for me...I have been trying to take more close ups and it does not want to focus, not on the macro setting or the manual setting and I have tried everything. It is getting to be almost impossible to get the clear shot that I want...and I keep mising all the kids smiles with the superfast speed of 1 photo per 5 seconds that I have been getting....ugh! Yes, a little frustrated with technology (or lack of it around here) lately. Soon...

I also have been surprised by how at home I feel in Vancouver. I have been wanting a farm for so long that I have forgotten how much I used to love going into the city.

A (very) brief look into my past...

I grew up just outside of White Rock on a small hobby farm...about an hour's bus ride from Vancouver. I hated the farm. I loved the city. Then my family moved to the Okanagan three weeks before my 15th birthday...to a larger hobby farm...about an eight hour bus ride from the city. I REALLY hated the farm, and I not so patiently awaited my eighteenth birthday so I could leave the country and head to the city. I dreamed of travelling, a corner office, a penthouse suite, power suits. But...that didn't happen. I had no money to move and other opportunities came my way. I became a travel agent hoping to travel and I did a bit. I thought that I had lots of time for the city, the penthouse, the corner office, the power suits...I had plans. But, then I unexpectedly fell in love and plans changed. I got married, kids came and what I wanted or thought I wanted began to change as well. Eventually, I forgot all about the penthouse suite, the travelling, the power suits, the corner office.

I love being a wife and mother. I love that I have had the opportunity to stay at home with my kids. I feel so grateful that I haven't had to put my kids in daycare. I have loved homeschooling the kids and having them home with me.

But...

I find the more I go to Vancouver, the more I remember...and it is a little bit scary.  I am finding that I love both the country and the city. My wants are currently a little confused.

 I love UBC. I love that my hubby is going to Architecture school. I love that the kids and I will have so much to explore and discover.

 My eleven year old has decided that she doesn't want to do homeschool this year, she wants to go back to "regular" school (which she did for her first six years of school). I have agreed (being home all day with three brothers has sometimes been a challenge for her and I understand her wish to be with other kids her age). The boys still want to homeschool. I have agreed to this as well. I think we will have so much fun this year and it actually may be a little easier to find things to do that everyone will enjoy with just the boys at home. However, I am a little sad and will miss my girl at home with me and a little nervous for my girl who has spent VERY little time in a city or with city kids and because I know how difficult it can be living on student wages (nonexistent) in an area where many of the kids live in some of the most expensive real estate in the country; especially as she approaches high school and is new and wants to fit in. I also worry a little about the wanting to fit in bit.  But, I guess that is all part of being a parent.

Aside from worrying about my children's schooling I have been worrying about my own. As usual I am getting a little behind this semester (I always seem to be doing something major while doing classes). Moving is a recurring theme. And to top it off I am re-evaluating everything...

asking myself what is it that I REALLY want. Where do I want to be in five years...ten? Going into the city has really brought up a lot of old stuff for me. And as wife of a future architect (one who is really getting excited about all the possibilities in front of him) I am realizing that the farm dream may not be compatible with the architect dream. It is still a possibility for the future but probably not while the kids are still at home.

 So...this summer I am re-evaluating, making major changes and trying to figure out who I am and where I want to be...

oh and I am taking a bit of time to make some strawberry ice cream because I haven't forgotten about the important stuff!

04 May 2011

poetry and moving forward

While I enjoy reading Keats, Shelley, Byron and Tennyson among others, I must admit that my favourite poet is not so celebrated or sophisticated. Ever since I was a little girl I have loved reading the poetry of Shel Silverstein and now that I am a mother I have really enjoyed sharing that love with my children. I love sitting with my kids reading poem after poem as they ask for more. Yesterday I was really happy while we were waiting in the car and my oldest son sat and read from "A Light in the Attic" to his brothers. Listening to the laughter from the back seat was one of my happier moments as a mother.

"Where the Sidewalk Ends" was always a favourite of mine and I checked it out from the library regularly as a kid. One of my favourite poems is in this book and as I reread it yesterday I thought that it really summed up how I have been feeling over the past few years. I fully believed it as a child but then for awhile I became a little too serious and lost that belief. Over the past few years I have been working on regaining some of the beliefs and attitudes I had as a child. Today I thought I would share this poem with you.

It is called "Listen to the Mustn'ts"

Listen to the MUSTN'TS, child,
Listen to the DON'TS
Listen to the SHOULDN'TS
The IMPOSSIBLES, the WON'TS
Listen to the NEVER HAVES
Then listen close to me-
Anything can happen, child,
ANYTHING can be.

Isn't that great...I really hope that my children can keep this belief as they grow up. ANYTHING can be - I really believe that it can and I've noticed that the more I embrace this belief the more I am shown that it is true. I think as I became an adult I assumed that if anything could be it meant that it would be easy. When things didn't come easy I thought they wouldn't come at all and so I settled for a life that didn't excite me or make me really happy. Now I know that work is involved and creating a life that I love takes action and that doing things differently can be difficult. But-it is SO worth it.

I always keep in mind what I read in a grad write up once (I can't remember who said it) "Live the life you will have wished you had lived when you are dying". When my husband was considering going back to school someone said to him..."the years are going to go by anyway. In ten years time you can be where you are now or you could be an architect...where would you rather be?"
Which has led us to our current belief of always moving forward. Picture what you want and move towards it...you'll get there eventually and it will be so much better than where you are now.

14 April 2011

Finding my Passion...

Last month  I mentioned I was reading the Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. One quote that she includes in her book is something I have been thinking about for a number of years and has been on my mind this week.

It is simply this:

"I can DO ANYTHING I want, but I can't DO EVERYTHING I want".

I agree completely.

As I have mentioned previously, my husband has always wanted to be an Architect; he has worked really hard over the past seven years and has completed his BFA and MFA and will be starting his MArch degree in August. He has been focused and driven and aside from family time, he hasn't had time to really do anything else. I think fulfilling dreams are like that...they require a lot of time and effort, but if it is something you love doing the work is very rewarding.

 I have been working on my BA for five years majoring in both History and English. But, I am undecided about what I want to do with it. Unlike my hubby, I have not had just one thing that I have always wanted to do. (Sometimes I really wish I did; decision-making would be SO much easier!) I couldn't even pick one major! I love many things and have bits and pieces of many hobbies that I wish I had more time for. I think it is finally sinking in that I do not have time to do all of them really well. I think all of us, at some point have to ask ourselves this: do I want to be mediocre at a lot of things or do I want to be really good at one or two? Personally, I don't like mediocre. I like doing a lot of things but when I don't have time to learn to do them well I get frustrated. I really want to narrow down my passions to just a couple and then take the time to do them well. I have known this for years, but I haven't been able to narrow them down.

Over the past year (or two) I have been really thinking about what I am the most passionate about. What is it that I want to do with my life. I don't want to wait until my kids leave home to decide what I want to be when I grow up...I know that whatever I choose to do, if I work hard I will be successful.

I like to write, I keep a daily journal and have dozens of notebooks full of things I jot down...but, nothing very polished ( I am working on this. The English portion of my degree began as a love of literature and I have taken a number of literature classes. But, during the second half of my degree I am trying to cram in all the creative writing classes I can. While I have always known that I LOVE to read, I didn't realize until a year or so ago how much I love to write, even though it is something I have always done).

I am also finding that I really love taking pictures (although I am not very good at it yet...a few days ago I went into the local camera shop and oggled the canon 7D for a while...but for now I do not have the $$$ and I think I need to finish paying for my degree first). I also really love to cook and if I were fifteen years younger and did not have four kids I would love to be a chef; however, I do not want to be a chef at my age and with a family...but, I really do want to learn to be a great cook...cooking school is something that is very appealing to me.

As of now my priorities are this...my family: spending time with my kids while they are still at home and still want to spend time with me...supporting my husband in fulfilling his dream and trying to find time for us to spend together...and finishing my degree (which I hope to complete by early 2013...yes it is taking me a very long time, mostly due to priority number one). I have been trying to master my little point and shoot camera...and I do have that beautiful 7D on my wish list...I practice my cooking as much as I can and cook something from scratch nearly every day (Last night it was pizza... I made the crust and the sauce as always, but I would really love to add making the cheese...maybe next pay day I will order some rennet...)and the past two mornings I have been working on a blackberries and cream scone recipe ( I found some really nice frozen berries). Not quite ready to share yet...maybe when the fresh berries come in...

I think over the past few months I have narrowed my "really want to do" list to three things:
1. writing
2. photography
3. food ( although I am also really interested in agriculture, the family farm and self sufficiency...which is kind of number 4).

I know, that is four things not one or two. But, that is as narrow as I can go for now...I keep thinking that maybe I can find a way to make them all work together...do you think so?

14 March 2011

News and Inspiration

We have been doing the happy dance at our house all week-end and I thought I would share our good news...

On Friday, my husband received a package in the mail and inside was a letter that began with...

You know a letter beginning with these words is always a good thing...(except for the time my granny received a letter from publisher's clearing house that began with these words and told her she was a winner of a million dollars; then she didn't go anywhere for a year because she was afraid she would miss them when they brought the cheque...but that's another story!)

ANYWAY...our letter did bring good news!


And so it looks like in August we will all be headed to the beautiful city of Vancouver for a few years...another adventure awaits. I am so happy to know where I will be for the next few years...and I am so proud of my amazing hubby and all the hard work he has done to get us there. Now the list making and planning begins!

PART TWO: My Inspiration

For those of you who are interested I thought I would share (with my hubby's permission of course) his story and why he inspires me everyday...it is long, so if you were only interested in my news...have a happy Monday! If you want to know what inspires me...read on:

When my husband was finishing up 7th grade he and his parents were invited to a meeting with the principal of the high school he would be attending. While there, he was informed that he would not be able to attend regular high school classes because his teachers felt that he would not be capable of completing the courses...he wasn't smart enough. He was encouraged to think about getting a trade as he would never be able to be a professional and he would never be accepted to any University. He and his parents trusted that the schools knew best and wouldn't put him in this class unless it was really necessary. They assumed that the school had his best interest in mind.

My husband didn't learn like other kids. He was very hands on and a visual learner. He didn't fit in to the way the curriculum was presented. He needed to be taken out. This decision, of course affected every aspect of his high school experience and his self esteem.

As I have mentioned previously, I met my husband in high school but didn't become friends with him until a few years after we graduated. I was new to the high school in 10th grade. I was (I admit) a little snobby and let's just say that if the school had the caste system of India...the students in the special ed. class were the untouchables. I did not choose to speak to my future hubby and he being on the bottom rung of high school society did not have enough courage to speak to me. But our story is another post.

After high school my husband did just as he was advised. He got a trade. He became a painter. At first he worked with his dad and then after we were married he started his own company. The work was not satisfying. He was bored. For fun he would draw houseplans. We would imagine different places we could live and he would draw a new "dream" plan every week. He had wanted to be an architect since his early teens but because of his lack of academic schooling and his belief that he was not capable of going to university he shelved that dream...sort of. I watched him as  he would sit at his drafting table in every spare moment drawing  plans. He had new ideas almost every day. He was amazing. He would be inspired by so many different things and he would have to draw them. In the fourteen years we have been married he has drawn out literally thousands of new plans. During our leanest years when we had no money for entertainment, I would give him a list of requirements trying to make it very difficult and he would draw up a house plan that included everything I listed. No matter how hard I made the assignment it never took him more than an hour. He is so creative and talented. I knew he could do it but it took a long time for him to believe it himself.

We tried a few times to send him back to school but things never really worked out until we turned thirty. We knew that if he didn't go to architecture school now that he would never go. We had two small chilren, we were getting older.
We finally decided to just go for it; try our best; pray for help and do it.

My hubby applied to the local college to the fine arts department. He was accepted as a mature student. He started school and the first year was very challenging. I was pregnant with our third child. We lost our only income and had to rely on student loans. My hubby had never written an essay in his life. He ended the year with straight A's and he made the Dean's list.

During his second year the small school was purchased as a second campus to the University of British Columbia. All students already in a program were automatically accepted into UBC and could continue with their program. We kept going forward. He received bursaries, grants and scholarships. He graduated with a BFA at the top of his class. Three students from his graduating class were chosen to apply to the Bank of Montreal first Art competition. They chose the top BFA graduate from all schools in each province. My hubby won for British Columbia.

He thought of applying to architecture schools. He started applications. He did not feel confident. He applied to one graduate school to complete his MFA. Most MFA programs only accept a few students. He chose what he thought was the best school in the country just to see if he could get in. They took nine students. He was one of them. We moved to Nova Scotia where after much hardship and dedication he recieved his MFA. Each year I have watched him as his confidence has grown.

After he graduated he decided to apply for a couple of University teaching positions instead of applying to architecture schools. He felt that maybe that would be better. We would not have to worry about money anymore if he got a job, we could finally settle somewhere. He didn't get hired. We talked about architecture school again. I think he was afraid to apply and be rejected. It would be final. He would never be an architect.

We moved back to  BC to take a year off to contemplate what we would do. He wavered back and forth between applying and not applying to architecture school. A few weeks before the final deadline for applications for 2011, he decided to just do it. He picked the one school he really wanted to go to and applied. They had over 350 applicants and they would accept 65. My hubby was nervous.

I felt confident that he had the talent to get in. I know that he will be an amazing architect. We prayed. We hoped. We talked a little of what we would do if he didn't get in. He did. I have never seen him so happy. I mean, of course he was happy when we got married and when the kids were born. But, this is different. I have never witnessed anything like it. He hasn't really changed much outwardly, although I can see it in his face. I can hear it in his voice as he repeats (often) "I can't believe that I got into architecture school". He chose the one school he really wanted, he sent them his resume, his portfolio, his transcripts and his references. He was chosen...no waitlist...first choice. His dream that he thought would NEVER be fulfilled is happening. He will be 38 years old when he starts school in August. He has waited for more than twenty years for this day. I really believe that this is what he was meant to do.

I am SO proud and inspired....

He shows me that if you want something bad enough you can do it...no matter how big your obstacles are. It may take time and a lot of hard work but it can be done.

He shows me that if we follow our passion success will come.

We all have potential to be great.

No one should ever be overlooked or told that they "can't" do something.

What have you always wanted?