school and a break

I have been very overwhelmed this semester with readings, essays, and exam preparations. Sometimes I feel like maybe I am too old, or maybe I have too big of a family, or maybe I am just a little bit crazy. Most likely it is a little bit of all of the above. When I throw in a major move every semester or so I really start to think I have gone a little loopy.

I have eight days left in my semester...four and a half assignments to finish and two exams to write. (I am exhausted just writing that by the way). There are moments when I feel like I may have an anxiety attack and there have been a few tears when I think about how I am not being the mother/wife that I would like to be this month. I have had my doubts and have questioned why I am torturing myself? I do not have to do this. It is costing me money that I do not have. And to be honest I don't even know what I am going to do with this degree when I am done.

BUT...I have seven classes to finish after this month. I have always wanted to further my education and didn't have the opportunity to finish when I was younger. I want to learn and I know that without the deadlines I would find too many other things that need to get done and would put it off. (Note to self: notice the procrastination theme...).

For the next eight days I need to focus on my classes...I need to finish this for me. I don't want to give up. I want to continue to move forward...to where...I am not quite sure yet. And then I want to take a few days with my family to just enjoy their company and nothing else...

so I will be back in about two weeks...

see you then!

End of Semester Blues...

This morning I remembered that it has been awhile since I have made a post and writing one seems like the perfect way to procrastinate writing the essay I should have finished weeks ago.

I am very quickly reaching the end of another semester and this time as I look at the books and think about the essays and exams that are left to write I am having an extremely hard time. There is almost no part of me that wants to do it. I feel done. I am so tired. I have been working on my degree for six years and will have six classes left once I finish the ones I am currently working on. I am so close...but I really feel done. I miss my family. I miss having time for my kids and husband and kitchen...there are a million projects on my to do list. I really want to just relax and enjoy the nice weather before it gets too hot. (I am really hoping for another mild summer...I have discovered that the house we are living in holds heat really well. I am getting nervous...soon the thermometer will pass the 30 degree C mark and head for the 40...I am not ready for that yet). *sigh*

But ~ I know I only have six classes left...so close to finishing my degree...next year at this time I will be done and I will have completed a goal that I have had for a really long time. I am learning something new on a daily basis which I really do love and I am setting a good example for my kids which I think is really important. I will be finished this semester in a mere seventeen days and then it will be summer break which I am thoroughly looking forward to. At the end of the month my husband will also be finished his group of paintings that he has been working on every almost every night (when he hasn't been working) for the past few months (he has a big solo show late summer/fall). July will most likely be hot...but...my family will be together and we won't be rushing to meet deadlines.

I know all these things...but I still want to procrastinate.

oh how I wish this was me!