Blog Therapy

I am slowly unpacking all of our boxes and finding places for everything. Some things have been put into storage until we move...again. While I am grateful that we have a place to live I am not overly excited about being in another temporary position. Something about knowing that I will have to move again in the not too distant future makes me feel a little unmotivated about unpacking. 

Growing up - especially through my teen years - I often felt depressed. I have never been diagnosed with depression or anything I was just a bit of a glass is half empty girl. I had a tendency to focus on the negative. I wasn't completely crazy - there was negative. But, isn't there always? Over the past decade or so I have really tried to focus on the positive. I have made an effort to choose to see the good;  because even though there is a lot of negativity around - and it is not too difficult to find it all you need to do is turn on the evening news - there is also a lot of good.  Luckily, for the most part this has worked. The more I looked for the good things in life - the easier it was to find them. I have really tried to do what I feel is right and I have been led on an amazing journey where I have learned so much. I am truly grateful for all that I have and all that I have experienced. This past year has been a particularly good one for me. I haven't felt so happy in...maybe ever. I was almost giddy at times. Even though my family had challenges I felt like I could do anything. I laughed more than I have laughed in decades...or again maybe more than I ever have. I was busy and didn't accomplish all that I wanted to, but I learned so much, met so many great people and felt like I was exactly where I needed to be. 

Earlier this year...I knew that where I needed to be was somewhere else. More accurately I knew that my family needed to be somewhere else and I needed to be with my family. As I prepared to move I felt content. I knew I was doing what I needed to do and that is always a great feeling for me to have. I love having the knowledge that I am doing the right thing. 

For some reason, as my family and I moved across country - for the fourth time in six years - and have come closer to family, friends and great Okanagan produce (I would like to say that last one is a joke but it is not - I was so excited to have fresh local peaches this year) I have not been able to shake off a feeling of disappointment, exhaustion, and sadness. 

I feel a little shallow because I know part of it is because we moved from a beautiful, large, Victorian home to a not quite so beautiful, small, basement suite. I know that shouldn't matter but for some reason it does. I find that all the little things that are going wrong have become extra irritating. Things like - the oven door doesn't close fully and the oven doesn't cook evenly, food becomes burnt in some areas while still raw in others -  I should just be grateful the stovetop works, right? But, I am more irritated than grateful. 

Normally, I really don't care what people think of me...but for some reason this time...I do. I feel embarrassed. I think maybe it is because I don't have a plan. I always have a plan. I always have a project I am working on. But, right now, I have nothing. My plan was to work on my photography and practice my cooking, which I suppose could explain my irritation at the basement suite (with very little natural light) and the oven that doesn't really work.  Maybe my concern isn't so much what others think of me it is what I am thinking of me...right now, it isn't good. 

I feel a little stagnated, when I like to always feel like I am moving forward. I have had three different plans for starting school this fall - two have been last minute and one of those I very nearly forced through. I know that is not right for me this year. But I feel a little panicked. Maybe it is because for the first time in nine years I won't be in school and for the first time since I've had kids I will be home while all of my kids will be in school. I am in a tiny basement suite and I can only do so much cleaning...

I just had a thought...maybe it is time to make jam.* 

I feel better already. 

Thanks for the therapy session...how much do I owe you?

*a pathetic little reference to TV... back when I used to watch TV... anyone remember the Friends episode where Monica has the jam plan? Except I don't live anywhere near a dock...or have a friend like Joey...so I may have to think of something else...

Life in a Whirlwind

I just realized that it has been almost exactly six years since we packed up and moved our family of six from BC - driving across Canada - to Nova Scotia. We were so excited for our new adventure. I didn't even mind getting rid of most of my stuff.

Since then:

-we had the best summer of our lives exploring the maritime provinces and enjoying the incredible beauty that is found here.

-my husband spent two years commuting two hours in each direction to Halifax to attend school. We barely saw him. But, we were so excited when he received his Master's Degree.

-We then moved back to BC - driving across Canada - again getting rid of half of our stuff - and spent a year living in a 600 square foot cottage. It was a great experience and I'm really glad we did it. We were able to spend a lot of time with my family.

- We then moved to Vancouver (about a five hour distance from where we were). We were so excited for my hubby to fulfill his lifelong dream of becoming an architect.

- Our first week in Vancouver we both knew we were not supposed to be there - this was not the path for us. One semester later we moved back. We spent a year and a half living in the town we both went to high school in. My entire family (parents, sister and family, and brother and family) were all living in the same town at the same time. My kids were able to spend a lot of time with their cousins, which made me really happy.

- Last year we got rid of half of our stuff, packed the family up and moved back to Nova Scotia. My hubby taught at Acadia university over the summer and loved it. We were so excited for him to finally be starting a career he loved.

During all that time I worked on and completed my bachelor of Arts degree majoring in English, minoring in History.

I started a photography course in September while completing my bachelor's degree (I finished my BA at the end of October and received my degree in March).  I finish my photography course in July.

We've shared our home with exchange students over the past year and have enjoyed spending time with a 16 year old girl from Italy, an 11 year old boy from South Korea and a 13 year old boy from Colombia.

We've loved spending time with the missionaries from our church and have had them in our home for many, many meals over the past ten months.

Over the past six years we have learned so much, made many new friends and we have been able to spend a lot of time with old friends and family We have loved our many adventures and all of the things we have seen and experienced. I have felt the love of a Heavenly Father who has guided our path.

During this time we have also experienced many challenges, trials, and hardships. Our financial burdens have often been heavy. We have always pushed forward having a great desire to do what we feel is right for us. Over the past six years I have felt more joy than I have ever felt in my life. I have also felt a lot of fear and frustration and guilt.

My hubby has been out of work since October. This has been very difficult for him but he has been incredibly supportive of me and has (mostly) happily played the part of Mr. Mom while I have been at photography school. I have felt a lot of guilt studying photography, but for some reason we both feel strongly that this is something I should do. I have learned so much from this experience and not only about photography. This has been the first time I have daily left home and spent some time alone in fifteen years. My hubby has increased his appreciation of all mother's do...

We are currently planning and praying and trying to figure out what we should do next... I have been accepted into a Master's of Libraries and Information Systems program. I think this will be a good fit for me. It's an online program so I can do it from anywhere. I think I know what I'll be doing for the next two years. My hubby's career is not so clear. University jobs seem to be getting fewer and harder to get. He has been looking across the country and the few that have become available are very competitive. He couldn't find any available for the fall in his field. He has been looking into trucking...there seem to be more jobs available in that field than any other. But...he needs to upgrade his DL and courses cost money...so we're not quite sure what he is going to do yet.

We need to make some definite plans soon. Money has to come from somewhere...we're just not sure where yet. Right now I'm feeling a little scared...but, I do have faith that something will work out for us. Hopefully, soon. I've been feeling a lot of stress and varied emotions this week.

Mostly - today - I'm feeling a little tired.

Nova Scotia 2013

We are here and we are connected. ... sort of... our phone still isn't working.

The strange thing about returning to a house that we lived in before is that after the first day it felt like we had just returned from vacation. We were back home after a LONG holiday. I keep wandering into the living room and shocking myself asking: Where is my furniture? and where did this mess come from? All I want to do is flop down on my couch and pick up a magazine and relax...I am so tired.

After the craziness that was June (and May for that matter) with writing essays and exams, getting rid of stuff, packing and then loading the trailer (and then unloading and reloading...don't ask) driving across Canada was somewhat relaxing. Except for the heatwave that followed us across country...and me without my air conditioning.

I drove over 5500 km.

Myself.

I have never driven farther than the Okanagan to Vancouver on my own. That is only about 5 hours. This was over ten times as long.

The trip was good and fairly uneventful...other than celebrating my baby's sixth birthday in Kenora, Ontario. We went out for Kalamari and spent the evening talking with a couple of fishermen at the end of the pier. The kids were quite taken with the one-eyed Newfoundlander...he offered them many pieces of advice and may well be the highlight of the trip. (Other than the big curly slide at the hotel in Brandon, Manitoba of course).

I was happy to arrive home. Happy and tired. I have spent the past week doing all the fun things...like unpacking, trying to get our utilities in order and getting oil changes on our vehicles. And then staring at all the boxes of books that currently have no shelves.

Last Saturday...before I started in on all the fun stuff...we took a day off and went to the beach.

After all the time in the car the kids needed to have some space...

The boys were really excited about being at a beach with creatures to collect and look at again ... they never did learn to love the lakes of the Okanagan.

They had such a good time collecting crabs and snails and jellyfish...

The day was a scorcher with record temperatures over 30C very hot for Nova Scotia. It was so nice to be able to go down to the beach and cool off.

While it was a regular hot summer day for us... for many it was unbearably hot and the beaches were PACKED!

I love Nova Scotia. The boys didn't even realize how busy the beach was.

After the beach we decided to splurge on our favourite post-beach treat...

Nothing is easier after a day at the beach than throwing a bunch of lobsters in a pot for dinner. I love that we can do that here. It feels so luxurious...and tastes so good!


The rest of the week has been fairly uneventful.

Although, we did go strawberry picking.

 Moving when we did we get a very extended strawberry season. We were able to experience a good portion of the season in the Okanagan and then arrive in Nova Scotia for the beginning of the season here. No one in our house is complaining!

My favourite moment was when my youngest came over to where I was picking..."mommy I found one just for you". He had the sweetest look on his face...

that of course disappeared as soon as I lifted up my camera.

Our days have been busy but we have been enjoying the little bits of exploring we have been doing.
We are making the most of our summer while trying to organize the house. We have had a few walks around the neighbourhood and trips to the park. We'll be able to do more when the hubby finishes teaching his class at the end of the month. For now, I think the boys are happy just to be out of the car...

and I am happy to be home and finally settling down... at least a little.

Moving Update

Happy Easter!

Spring is starting to show itself here in the Okanagan. I keep pulling up the Nova Scotia Highway cameras looking for the last of the snow there ... Spring is a few weeks behind on the East coast. One of the few things I do not like - but all the things I love make up for the late spring.

Plans are progressing on our move and we are getting excited realizing how close it is and a little nervous realizing how much work there is to do before we go!

Last week I was reading "As Always, Julia" edited by Joan Reardon (the letters of Julia Child and Avis DeVoto - great book for Julia fans) and had to laugh at a quote of Julia's:

"How could any people have so much stuff. How do we have so many books...And, judging from kitchen equipment, one would think this was going to be a restaurant. Too awful. I don't think we are basically suited at all to this movable life. If only we had no 'interests' things would be much simpler".

There are a lot of things about Julia that I admire and relate to - but, this quote most of all - at least at this time - she summed up exactly how I am feeling. I packed up twenty-five boxes of books this month - and those are the ones I know I can part with and sell at our garage sale. Many times over the past few weeks I have been thinking...if only we didn't have any interests things would be much simpler! Between the books, the kitchen equipment, and art supplies we have a truck full!

We still haven't figured out how to get everything back across the country...trying to find the cheapest, easiest and most reliable way to move thousands of pounds of stuff across 5000 km. is not an easy task I assure you.

You would think this being our third cross country move we'd be experts by now but I think it is getting harder. I am getting less and less inclined to part with all the things we have accumulated. My library is exactly the way I want it to be. I have most of the books I really want - many collected at library sales and purchased cheaply and it has taken me over a decade to collect them. I don't really want to start over - my kitchen is fully stocked with everything I need - including many heirlooms that I do not want to get rid of. I have twice sold off most of my possessions other than those that are irreplacable and I don't want to think of doing that again. Aside from wishes, buying everything over again on the other side is probably more expensive than hauling everything across country anyway. BIG dilemma! Funds are low...time is running out...options are getting limited. Trying to keep the stress levels low ... but six weeks of one illness after another is giving away how low my immune system is right now.

But - the sun is out. I am finally starting to feel better and I have been loading up on Nova Scotia in my "spare" moments to keep excitement levels high while dealing with the stress of moving and leaving family and friends behind again.

Listening to some Atlantic music, filling my "Maritime Love" board on pinterest, watching videos on youtube, looking at real estate and reading Ashley MacIsaac's autobiography as well as a rug hooking book by Deanne Fitzpatrick is keeping me busy and filled with all things Atlantic.

With the moving keeping me busy as well as my schoolwork and the boys' spring break and colds and stomach flus hitting all of us life around here has been pretty busy!

Hoping to take a bit of time later today to decorate some eggs and prepare a turkey dinner for tomorrow... one thing is for sure - life is never boring and I always have way more things that I want to do than I have time for! I am thankful for that -  and I suppose that is what I get for complaining of being bored so much as a child. My sister told me a great quote that she remembered from our great-aunt Anne: life is never boring - if you're bored learn Chinese! Love it and love her...always an inspiration.

Time to get busy...