14 March 2013

Planning and still moving forward

Plans are progressing...

While it is grey and slushy and muddy now, I know that soon...very soon...I will wake up to beautiful green. I am always amazed at how leaves seem to burst out overnight. One day everything has that end of winter greyness and the next the world is green and full of new life. 

Late last fall after spending almost a year of "should we stay or should we go" I decided to apply for my B.Ed. in Nova Scotia.

I thought this would be the perfect plan. 
It would give us a concrete date to move by, it would (hopefully) give us a steady income and I still would have summers and holidays with my family. Perfect.

I filled out applications, wrote essays and asked a few kind-hearted souls to send in references for me (many thanks to you). I sent in money and transcripts and waited...very patiently-unusual for me. I immersed myself in holiday preparations and classes to finish my current degree. 

As the date of acceptance loomed closer I became worried...I didn't want to find out.
Every time I walked into a school I secretly hoped that I wouldn't be accepted. 

I received a phone call a few weeks earlier than expected - Congratulations!

I pretended to be happy. 
I knew that this would be good for my family. 
This was something I could do. 
The steady paycheck would be welcomed. 

The thought of spending everyday back in high school...

The thought of not being home on proD days and sick days and not greeting my kids as they arrived home from school with a fresh batch of cookies...

My blog was neglected. I couldn't think of anything to say.
I wasn't being true to who I am. I felt like a fraud.
There are SO many things I want to do with my life.
Teaching high school isn't one of them.

So - after much thought and discussion - I have declined the offer.  

A move thought crazy by some. WHY would you decline a perfectly good offer to prepare for a respectable career? WHY? What are you doing instead? How are you going to live? 

Well...I'm working on it and
 I'm moving to Nova Scotia this summer anyway.

I know many will say (and some probably already have) - who do you think you are? How irresponsible. 

I understand. I really do. I lived a lot of my life like that. Responsibility comes first. Jobs come first. It didn't matter how sick or unhappy I was... I had to do the responsible thing. I lived my life by shoulds and have tos. Often not even thinking about what I was good at or what my talents were or what I wanted to do. None of that mattered as long as I was doing what I thought I was supposed to be doing. 

The older I get the more I realize that life isn't all about responsibilities. 
Life should be joyful. 
I believe that being true to who you are is the only way to find real joy.  

I am happy and feeling more like myself than I have in months. 

I know I have made the right choice.

I am so looking forward to our first visit to our favourite beach...we've missed it.

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